Chapters 3 & 4

Chapter 3 in this book talks about the losses of infertility. You can tell that this book is written by people that have actually been through infertility. One is the loss of pregnancy and birth. I want a baby and I also want to be pregnant. I want to experience the first kicks, I want to have time to cherish our relationship as a couple and our excitement over adding a baby. I want all this but feel that this is something I might never get to have. Another one is the loss of belonging. I feel like I really dont belong anywhere. Most of my old friends from college are single and not in a wanting a child phase. Ls cousin, his sister, and us got married within 6 months of each other and all started to talk about having children about a year into our marriages. Well one couple has 2, one couple has 1, and one couple has 0, guess which couple we are?. When they talk about children we dont really have input because we have never experience that. It sucks when we feel like we dont get to go to the zoo because its a "we're taking the kids" trip and we dont have kids. Its not their fault and I dont blame them I just wish we could be part of that club too.

Another important one for me is the loss of being healthy and normal. I have always been a fairly healthy person. Once in my childhood I was sick with stomach issues and I was in the ER as a precaution from a very minor car incident. I have never been hospitalized and never had a broken bone (knock on wood). I very very rarely go to the doctor besides the annual pap. It wasnt until this infertility stuff that I had to have surgery. So now the idea of having as many as 3 dr appts in a week is odd. It makes me feel like a sick weak person. The book also talks about the loss of being in control, the loss of feeling competent and the loss of sexual intimacy. As an women suffering through infertility I can go on and on about each of these losses.

Chapter 4 talks about being an adult without being a parent. Until I read this chapter I didnt realize how true it is. I really dont feel like an adult and people dont really see me as an adult. Even though I have been independent from my parents for a while, I have a job that requires me to supervise people as old as my parents, and I have a masters degree I dont really feel grown up. Part of this is the fact that both L and I are younger (30 and 26 respectively) than most infertility patients and we both look extremely young (think 20). The book also talks about separating from your parents and doing/not doing the things we saw our parents do to our children.

Overall I really liked these chapters and I am really liking the way this book is written. I am looking forward to reading the rest of it.

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