Almost There

Today I had my u/s and bw appt today and all went well. I have 2 14 mm follies on the right. My doc wanted me to go in again on wed but I have to go on a business trip tues and wed so we are just going to pray they grow as needed ( 2mm a day) and trigger on wed for a friday IUI. Here is a picture I found on the web of a 17 mm follicle.

Loyalty

Todays PJC theme is patriotic or loyal. I chose this picture for two reasons 1)its 4th of July and we are wearing red, white, and blue and 2)because to me it defines loyalty. We are loyal to ourselves, our relationship, and each other. I know L 'has my back' whenever needed. Whatever the situation might be I can count on him being there.

I also wanted to post a picture of my family for this theme but didnt think they would want their picture on the internet :). I might not say it enough but I love you all and I know you are all there to lend a shoulder or an ear if needed.

The Jungle

A year ago L and I moved into our current home. We moved from a 3 bed/2 bath to a 4 bed/2.5 bath + above garage room. Silly us thought that we would need all this space for the babies we were sure were coming soon. So we took our room, made one the guest room, made one the soon to be nursery, and I took the other as "my" room. I love my room. This is a place for my stuff and my nick nacks. This is the sign that lets everyone know which one is mine (this same sign describes my state of mind lol):

On other news, today I went to my very first digital photography workshop. I got my spify camera about 1.5 yrs ago. I had many excuses to not really put much time into it. First it was I was just too busy with school and work and then I was too tired from dr appts and all that. But underneath it all was the fact that I bougth the camera to take pictures of my baby and in my mind ignoring the camera was a way to ignore the fact that I dont have a baby. Well I have finally taken a step to embracing my camera and therefore accepting the fact that I dont have a child, yet. I'm sure L will get tired of being my model at some point lol. I am glad I went and I am looking forward to taking more classes and really learning photography.

Too Slow

Todays appt was disappointing. The biggest folli is at 10 after almost 2 weeks of injections and my estrogen levels are at 145. I am to continue 1.5 vials and have another appt on monday. Honestly I am not feeling all that great about this cycle. I am supposed to go out of town on business on tues and wed which su.cks because if I still have to do shots I will have to do them around co-workers. I am also tired of shots. I guess I am just having an off day.

Youth

Following Mel's lead, I'm digging deep and going back 26andsome change years (30and some change for L) and posting baby pictures of us. Here is L:
L is a good looking guy and he was an adorable child. He has semi curly hair, which starts showing the longer his hair is so he had the most adorable curly hair. I so love this baby who turned out into a great guy!

And here is me:
I was so chunky I can barely open my eyes!

So here we are, not a care in the world.

Courage

Today's PJC is courageous (brave, gallant, dauntless). According to Webster, courage is defined as "mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty".

Being on the path of infertility is an act of courage. If you have ever played slots or gambled at the tables, you know what its like to put your money in jeopardy. So it takes a lot of bravery to put down thousands of dollars on a 20%-40% chance of winning. Beyond the shots, the appts, and the money one has to go through, our hearts are on the chopping block every single month. A tiny piece of my heart is sliced off with every negative test.

To me this picture is the image of courage:

Making the decision to step off this journey, either because you get pg or because you make a conscious effort to, also takes enormous amounts of courage. So my hat's off to all of us on this rough journey.

Baby?

See we all thought that I didnt have a baby but in all reality I do have one, he's about 30 yrs old and I adopted him about 4 yrs ago. Just Kidding! lol. L is sick with what we think is the flu. This is a picture of him on the couch:

Is it bad that for a tiny second one of my thoughts after he told me he wasnt feeling well is "da.mn, what is this going to do to his sperm". It was just for a second though then I concentrated on his health. L doesnt get sick often so when he starts feeling a little bit bad we bring out the meds and off to the doctor he goes. Hey baby, hope you feel better soon! Love you!

And to leave you with a laugh, here is this:

Glass half full?

Are you the type of person that see the glass half full? or half empty?

I try to make a point of seeing the glass half full but then come the days that all I see is the empty space. I am really worried about the timing of this cycle. I went for u/s and bw today and the biggest folli is an 8ish so I am now on 1.5 amps of menopur and go back on friday. I am scheduled to go out of town next tues and wed and all I can hope is that I get the IUI mon or thurs. I guess I can try to get out of my work trip but I already feel like I am not giving enough at my job recently with all these appts. I am trying not to worry too much about it as of now and will just wait for fri.

So what do you think: half full or half empty?

Earthy, Natural, Unsophisticated

Todays photo challenge was Earthy (Natural, Unsophisticated), so here is a picture of my feet last time we went to the beach.

And because I am a smart ass and its part of my personality, here are some unsophisticated funnies:
Tomorrow is my u/s and bw appointment. I really hope that there is some good progress because I am going to have some timing issues. I have to go out of town a week from tuesday for work so I really need to have the IUI on sat or before. Lets hope that all the timing works out.

Also a question for everyone: Where is the weirdest place (location) that you have given yourself your injections?

I try to always do it at home since I knows its clean and I feel comfortable here but on my trip last week my shot time was right before our flight and the time change but for inconvenient times. I ended up giving myself shots in the car (not while it was moving lol) and in a museum's bathroom. I just made sure to disinfect the area and not have the meds touch anything lol. Not the most convenient but I wanted to make sure my shots got done.

Home

We are back home tonight and loving it. There is nothing like coming home after a nice mini vacation. I really enjoyed out trip and now I am going to enjoy my spring break. Tonight I am cooking cupcakes for tomorrows Easter festivities and I also have to put L's basket together.

Although we dont have children yet we still like to take part in all these little "family" activities. We have birthday parties for each other and we get baskets from the Easter Bunny.

On the ttc front, I hope that when I go to u/s and bw on monday I have some nice sized follies because these ovaries are feeling pretty full and uncomfortable.

And now I leave you with one of my favorite pictures of this vacation:

Vacation

This mini vacation was a kind of spur of the moment thing. L had originally planned to have the day off but then was asked to come to this meeting so his boss said I could tag along. But of course first I had to clear it with my doctor and all that good stuff. This is probably the only time I have been happy that I am a slow responder to the stimulation. lol The funny thing is that just the day before the doc had asked me if we wanted to be more aggressive with the medication and after thinking about it I said no; I was happy with my response last month and thats what I wanted to keep doing. Then the trip came up so it all worked out.

Here are a couple pictures of what we saw yesterday:

Love

Four years ago today I married my best friend, my soul mate. We celebrated our love with some of our closests friends and family and today we continue that celebration. L had a business trip in Sea.ttle so I tagged along and we made it an anniversary trip.

Here we are 4 yrs ago:

Here we are today, March 20, 2008:

To my husband: There are no words to express my love for you. You are by far the very best thing that has happened to me and I thank God everyday that I get to share this life with you. I hope that the near future see us extending our love to another being but if not my life is complete because you are with me. I love you TIABABAIT.

Funny

Todays challenge is funny. Here is L being his usually silly self. Gotta love him!

And some people would think that me cooking is hilarious so heres a picture of my, apron and all:

Have a great wednesday everyone!

Freedom

I was doing so good on the post a picture a day thing but this one is now about 12hrs late lol. I wanted to post this yesterday because starting today I am on vacation for a week and a half. So I am free. I am free of work, of worrying about work, of thinking about work.

St. Pattys New Orleans Style

Yesterday we went to a really cool St Pattys Parade. We had tons of fun and it was a neat new experience for me. We'll start with a pic of L and I at the beginning:
This is me with some of my catches. They throws cabbage and other vegetables and of course beads:
Another pic of L and I. We were stylin':
and finally a really cool pic of me:

Happy St. Patricks Day!

Manly

Nothing like a man with power tools. Love you babe!

Butterfly Kisses

Today L had to dj a father daughter dance and I went along so I could earn my dinner. It was cool to see all these little girls and their daddies but it was also hard. My first thought was will we ever get to experience this. Will L ever get to take his little girl to her first dance or his son to a ball game? I felt an incredible sadness that he is not a daddy yet because I know how great of a daddy he will be one day.

The dance ended with 'But,terfly Kis.ses'. I fought back tears and was proud to hold it to just misty eyes. My dad and I danced to the spanish version of this song at my wedding (there were definetely tears then) and I just want for L and I to get to have that same experience with our children.

I leave you with this picture I found on the net while I go shed my own tears:

On the horse again

We have been cleared for take off. After u/s and bw today, we got the go ahead to start another month. We will continue our same protocol as I was happy with the # of follies and the lining. My shots start tomorrow. I will be taking baby aspirin daily as my doc said that it could possibly help with implantation and it doesnt hurt so we'll be trying it.

So to begin, here's a picture of a needle ready for poking:

(I didnt take this pic but borrowed from net)

Home

Home

"Home is where your memories are,

It’s where your secrets are kept.

Home is where you’re happiest,

Yet home is where you’ve wept.

Home is where your parents live,

It’s where you were raised.

Home is where you’ve been scolded most,

Yet home is where you’re praised.

Home is where you make it,

It’s where you believe the myth,

That home is when you’re happy,

Just to love the ones you’re with.

~Eric Brock

Here is a picture of our home:

Fresh Picture; Fresh Start

Todays challenge was 'fresh'. Here is my fresh. These strawberries cannot be any fresher. They came straight from the field and into my office. Then I took the above strawberries and had this (I also have some prepping in the fridge for some strawberry shortcake):
Yummy!

On another note, today I had my appt with my dr. I kind of already knew that we had two options, continue IUI or go to IVF. She suggested one more IUI with the injectables and if that doesnt work then she would recommend IVF. The one more IUI is because most couples that get pregnant with IUI get pregnant in their 3rd-4th cycle. We have done 3 IUIs but the first one was clomid+inj and she says that one didnt really count. L and I decided to go one more IUI and if this doesnt work then take an extended break and look at IVF later this year.

She left me with these words: "I am still hopeful"

Up Up in the Sky

This is a picture that L took from the plane during one of his trips. Its an awesome view.

Third time is not the charm

So after two stark white tests, cramps, headaches, and now spotting I think that we can put this month away. I am really not understanding why this is not working. My plan is to take another pee test in the morning and if that is still negative call the doctors office to schedule a consultation appointment for wed. I need to know what options we have available and what these options cost. Also if anyone knows anywhere that I can work that offers infertility insurance I would appreciate the information.

I leave you with this picture because having him is the reason that this is bearable; the reason that I can take the constant disappointments, the constant hurt and not be truly depressed or out of my mind.

Soft

My life sized monkey

Scouts

This is a picture of L's old b.oy scou.t shirt. It must be 20 some years old. Isnt it cute?

Men and their toys

This is a picture of L playing with his toys. Gotta love him.

It is what it is 8dpIUI #3

This picture is a reflection of my mood today. I have been having cramps since yesterday. Depending on how you look at it, these can be good or bad. My mood keeps going from positive to negative and back again.

I just want to fast forward to next wednesday. I have done my pleading and begging with God already but I will ask for one more thing.

God, please give me the strength to accept the results of this cycle, whether positive or negative, and to find a way to cope with the results. Just for the record, we really really rather have the positive.

Thanks,

Sandra

Supplements

My progestrone came in a little low today. My doc likes 2000 and mine was 1989 so now I have added prometrium twice a day to my regiment of medication which includes:

• Metformin 3 pills pm
• Amoxicillin (for UTI) 1 pill am and 1 pill pm
• Prometrium 1 pill am and 1 pill pm
• Prenatal 1 pill pm

This is for someone who hardly ever takes tylenol for headaches and never takes anything for common colds. Blah.

I am also in one of my pessimist moods. I am having cramps and therefore go into a 'this cycle is doomed' mindset. Or maybe its just cycle hormones getting the best of me. Either way I am now in bed and going to sleep this mood off.

Peace

Hope, 6dpIUI #3

To me this is hope. This is an u/s picture of IUI #3. The white looking stuff (where the arrow is pointing) is L's swimmers shooting out of the catether. As she was pushing in the goods, the doc says "go, boys go".

Here's to praying, hoping, begging, pleading that the next u/s picture shows a real live baby.

Double Meaning?

On Saturday, our part of the state is having an election for Congress. One of the candidates send out a brochure and this is what was on one of the pages:

I think its hilarious. One one hand I get the whole too much taxes message his trying to explain but on the other hand (a totally non political hand) I had a mental image that this is what our baby will look like one day. Because no matter if we get pg or adopt or whatever, this child has a good hold on our money even before its conceived. I can only assume it will get worse once we actually have him/her in our arms. :)

Filthy (Dirty, Foul, Unclean)

The theme for todays Photo Journal Challenge is Filthy or basically anything in that family. I thought and thought about what I wanted to post. I even had some other pictures ready but then I came across this one. I think it is hilarious and is kind of a reflection of my sense of humor. Oh and it includes my most favorite animals (monkeys). I borrowed the cartoon from here.

Do I even need to explain this?

For days, I had been thinking about what picture I wanted to post for the Photo Journal Challenge. I had planned a sweet picture of L and I or maybe a more goofy picture of L but then something happened and I decided this picture better represented my current events.

Do I even need to explain what this means?

So after a frantic run to the nearest Ready.Med. clinic I am now on 10 days of antibiodics. Great start to the weekend.