Follow Me

After thinking about it I have moved to wordpress. I wanted to have a place to keep our family and friends informed but also be able to vent about certain things without them reading about it. So I moved to wordpress where I can password protect certain posts. Follow me to:

http://thepromiseofourlove.wordpress.com

You can email me at ls32004 at hotmail dot com for the password.

Thanks for keeping up with me after all these moves.

In the now

This is one of my favorite songs. Mainly because it talks about the love between two people and to take advantage of the time we have right now. Thats what I want to do. I want to take advantage of the time I have with L. I want to live in the now and not in the what if. I know easier said than done but I am going to try to make this my current motto.

These are my favorite parts of the song (doesnt sound as good translated):
"Tu y yo, nos amamos de verdad y hemos hecho de un lugar, un hogar... tu y yo
El mejor tiempo de mi vida han sido estos año que he pasado junto a ti, mi corazón..."

(You and me, we love each other truthfully and have made a place a home...you and me
The best time of my life has been these years I have passed next to you, my heart)

"...Mira que bonita, que puede ser la vida ahorita
aprovechemos que nos brinda la compañia tuya y mia..."

(...Look how beautiful life can be right now
lets take advantage of what our company brings us...)

Moving on

L and I have an appt to talk to Dr S about our next step. We know we want to keep on with treatments but other than that I really dont know what I should be asking. So for those having to move on to IVF:

What questions should I be getting answers to?
Can you recommend any good books on IVF?

CD 1, now what?

As expected I am at full flow today. With that we come to the end of this road, this very bumpy road. There are other roads for us now and we just have to choose which one to take. Like with any journey, we are going to take the time to look at maps and plans to figure out which road is best for us. Although its human nature to look for the road less bumpy, we know that whichever road is picked the bumps will be there.

All that we can hope and pray for is that this next road leads us to our end goal.

Please go over and support Mel while she also deals with the end of a cycle.

Bad Equation?

Cramps + Spotting + -HPT = Another cycle down the drain?

I went ahead and peed on a stick this morning because I had started spotting yesterday. Obviously it was negative. I continue to spot but not enough to count it as AF. I stopped taking the prometrium today so I expect full AF soon.

So now we come to a fork in the road, we can go one way to do IVF or go another way to adopt. We are almost sure that at this point IVF is our choice but for now we are just sitting at the side of the road until we feel completely ready to go forward. Right now I just need to let go of this cycle and begin to move on.

We definitely need some time off to recharge and regroup.

Dear Cramps,

Please go away. I know that you dont necessarily mean to tell me that I am do not have a baby in here but I still dont like you. See I have never had a baby inside so the only cramps I have ever had are tied in with failed cycles. So the minute that you start creeping into me, the heart starts a negative downward spiral. The brain is really trying to tell the heart to stay positive but its not really working. I this point based on the pain you are causing I am almost sure that this cycle is yet again a bust. While this might not be true, I can not get these negative thoughts out of my head. So please please go away now. Thanks.

Sincerely,
The Uterus

CD 32; 9dpIUI #4

Not much going on over here, just trying to get through the next few days to find out the results of this cycle. The good news is that my insurance decided that they would cover some stuff that I had already paid for so the clinic owes me about $500 bucks. Lets see if I actually get the money back from them.

On the non-ttc, we finished our taxes and are actually getting money back!!! Woohoo!!! We have never gotten money back since we have been married so we are excited and were actually dancing around the living room. lol Of course we have already spend the money about 5 times in our heads lol

Quote

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strength. When you go through hardship and decide not to surrender, that is strength."

- Arnold Schwarzenegger

Poor Pitiful Me

Welcome to my pity party! You are welcome to join at any time.

Heres why I am throwing this party. I supervise a staff of about 29, 28 women and 1 men. In the past 1.5 yrs that I have been in the position, there has been: 1 birth, 1 almost to be born, 1 three months along, and a just announced today. This is plus the countless pregnancies of the families that we serve. I had never been bothered with it as much as today. When the girl told me about it my response was "congratulations" and her response was "well I guess thats what I get and cant undo it". That response was like a knife in my heart. I would do anything to be in that position and can only hope that one day it will be my turn.

And if that wasnt enough today I also had to deal with this:
(her child running around the halls wildly)
co-worker: "Are you sure you want kids?"
me: outwardly - nod and tight lip smile; inside - "well now that you mention it, no I dont really. I just choose to put myself through the physical, social and financial hell of fertility treatments for the chance of conceiving. I dont know why really since I dont even like kids" Arghhhh

So you can choose to join this party. Open invitation and after the party is over we will all pull up our pants, lifts our chins and face the world.

CD 24; 1dpIUI #4

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act,

but also dream, not only plan, but also believe."

- Anatole France

Cool

I read this story this morning and thought it was kinda cool:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/23898180/?GT1=43001

I love this qoute:
“We’re here to extend the message that there is hope,” said Todd Tilton, who appeared with his sister on TODAY on Tuesday.



Welcome to all that have found me at my new address. I have moved blog addresses as much as I have moved home addresses. lol

IUI #4 - Check

We survived IUI #4 today. L's counts were good:

Total - 35 million

Motility - 88%

Grade - 3

Physically it went fine. Doc did not have much trouble inserting the cathether and it really only felt like a pinch. Right now I am feeling some pains and its probably some mild over stimulation. Emotionally, though, it was alot harder. I think knowing that this is our last chance before having to move to IVF kinda got to me. I'm afraid I wont know when to stop. To me fertility treatments are like sitting at a slot maching, the next pull is going to bring you the jackpot. The same with treatments, the next cycle is going to bring us the baby. So we are unable to stop pulling the lever.

As much as I pray that at the end of this cycle we get a positive, I also pray to have the courage and strength to accept whatever next step is planned for us.