All I want for Christmas

is this stu.pid trampoline

and this stupi.d name puzzle

Which my niece is going to love love (especially the trampoline)

I originally ordered in on 11/13 (you know to have it hear with plenty of time). So why have I been on the phone with this stu.pid company the past two days because they keep cancelling my order without informing my. Arghhh

Oh yeah and today for the first time ever I must have hit a vein with my injection because there was blood on the syringe that I didnt notice till the shot was over. So I had to call my doctor to make sure I wasnt going to be dead by morning because I injected Menopur into my vein/vessel. And L is out of town and not here to calm me down. Arghh

Now I am going to fix my dinner and then have a hot chocolate and then this horrible day will be over.

I'm not usually slow

I am not normally a slow person. I eat fast, I read fast, I walk fast but for some reason a cannot stimulate my ovaries fast. I had an ultrasound today after 6 days of menopur and I have nothing. A couple of 7, 8, and 9s. Nothing remarkable. I expected a faster response since I was doing a straight injectable. I got this same result with clomid + 3 days of injectables.

So its 1.5 vials of menopur for the next 3 days and another ultrasound on friday.

The mood swings in this house are extreme. I cant get out of one mood before diving into another one. I refuse to allow this moods to ruin my holidays. I dont believe in fighting them so I give in for a few minutes and then move on. Christmas is my favorite time of year and I will be happy about it.

A non-infertile day

There are days that I just 'forget' that I am infertile, about the medications, about everything. Yesterday was one of those days. We woke up late first of all. Then we decided to go out and about to see what was left of the sales. Not much left but we did get to eat at one of my favorite wings and cheese fries restaurants. Then we decide to get groceries. There was no one at the W store and it was great. Walking thru the store I came up on this:
A giant three foot monkey. Of course I had to bring him home. I love it. Its huge. It made my day.
So then its our tradition to put up our Christmas tree and up it went. Its a little lopsided but I still like it. We have a cool mickey mouse train around it this year.

Here is L and I posing with our tree:
All in all we had a great day.

And I forgot to give myself my shot on time. The nurse told me to do it between 4-6pm. So I have been doing that faithfully. Yesterday I got so caught up watching the Aggies beat the Longhorns (Whoop!!!) that by the time I looked up it was 6:30. Last month I probably would have worried and worried about being half an hour late but yesterday I calmly went upstairs, did the shot and didnt give it a second thought.

On the horse again

I started the injections for our second IUI cycle today. I never thought I would get used to giving myself shots but now L and I have our routine down pat. I feel like I am back to square one. At the beginning of every cycle I worry that I might not respond to the medication, then I worry that I might not ovulate; will the worries never end?

Being that tomorrow is Thanksgiving, heres what I am thankful for:

• My husband. He is the one that holds me up when I have my emotional breakdowns. He is the one that puts up with my moods, my outburst, and my hormones. He is the one that has a positive outlook on things. He is the shoulder I cry on. He is the one that carries the faith for us. He is my cheerleader when it comes time for shots. He makes me laugh when all I want to do is cry. I am one lucky woman to have a husband and a best friend like him. Love ya!
• My family. My parents and my siblings. Their silent support is what pillows the falls. Although we dont talk about it much I know they are there if I need to talk. I know they are there if I need to cry. Love you all!
• My In-laws. Right now we are going through a rough patch but they can be counted on to drop everything and come to your aid. I just hope that after this stressfull period end they will still like me even though I am not that nice of a person.
• My job. I have a good job that I enjoy and like going to everyday. It helps that it pays the bills and gives me the time off I need that infertility treatments require.
• My home. Its a nice and beautiful house. Although right now it is experiencing stress and sadness its strenght is in the laughter and happiness that can always be found there. The memories build in this home will go on forever.
• End of School. I am thankful that in 2 weeks I will have completed my MBA. Even though it doesnt make me any smarter I am happy to be achieving this goal.
• My DSLR camera. I love it and is my way of reliving a lot of stress. I hope to be able to dedicate it more time soon.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!

Surprise

No not a good happy surprise. A nasty surprise. I woke up this morning to full blown AF. Luckly I was expecting it and was prepared.

So on to another cycle. I am going to call the REs office when they open today.

I already dislike mondays, blah!

Holding on

Today I am holding on, by a very thin string, to my sanity. I took a HPT this am and of course it was negative. Even expecting it, it still hurt. So now I am just waiting for another cycle to start which should be monday or tuesday. The good thing is that I am off next week and can have my emotional breakdown without having to worry about it happening at work.

Losing Hope?

I am not holding out much more hope for this cycle. I am sitting at work with some period type cramping. And I also feel the beginning of a pimple, which I always get when I am going to start my cycle. I guess I am just not feeling like this was the cycle.

Or maybe I am telling myself this as a defense mechanism? Arghh

Progesterone check

Today I had my progesterone blood draw.

Want to see: 2,000
Mine was: 6,338
(I didnt ask what they measure in).

The doctor was happy with it so I guess I am too. Anyone know what it actually means?

Doc and I talked about next cycle just in case this one doesnt work. We will do an all injectable rather than clomid + inj. She did say she was "hopefull" for this cycle. Does that count for anything?

Blogativism

In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, I am joining the My Story Project

L and I met in 2003 and were married in 2004. I was on bcp and all was dandy. When our first anniversary was approaching we decided that we were ready for a baby. Having children was always something we were going to do. We knew how many we wanted and everyting. Not thinking there would be any problems, we didnt worry. I had always had regular cycles and none of that PMS pain or symptoms everyone hears about. After 6 months of no cycle, we headed to the obgyn #1. Induced cycle, sure that everything would regulate. Two months later on to obgyn #2 who prescribed clomid, no ovulation. We were devasted.

Six months later we were on to RE #1. At this point we were truly unprepared for the cost of treatment so after one failed ovulation induction cycle in Feb 2006. In May 2006 we thought we were on a path to international adoption, unfortunately that didnt work out and we lost $5000. Aug 2006 on to obgyn #3 again prescribed clomid, actually ovulated but no pregnancy. With a diagnosis of PCOS we moved on.

Now we are with RE #2. We have just finished our first cycle of injectibles with IUI. At the obgyn my insurance paid. At this office my insurance does not pay. The added stress of having to figure out payment for these treatments does not help our chances. At one point I said that I would do whatever it took but the reality is that we still need to eat and still need to pay the mortgage.

Just as the results of a cycle are not guaranteed neither are the costs. You might need more days of stims or different drugs. Its a sad day when you have to make cycle choices based on the cost of drugs. If these treatments are successful then the money will have been well spend but if they are not it will be like devastating. Our number of cycles will depend on how we are able to finance it. Although people often say 'the money will come from somewhere', we are the ones responsible for actually finding such money. Remember I didnt choose to have this. This isnt vanity treatment, this is treatment for our dream and our future.

Tarot Card

I am not used to being at home so I am kinda bored and borrowing things from other peoples blogs lol. I borrowed this from here :)

You Are The High Priestess

You represent mystery - secrets that are yet to be revealed.You find yourself sitting between two worlds: one dark, one light.You tend to hold these two worlds in balance, reconciling the two.Open and welcoming, you invite others to learn your secrets. Your fortune: Something hidden, or latent, in your life is about to come forward.You need to pay more attention to your dreams, thoughts, intuition, and imagination.And if that involves tapping into your dark side, it will all balance out in the end.You have a lot of potential dying to be unleashed, so let those gates open!

What Tarot Card Are You?

IUI #1

I'm back at home after the IUI this morning. It went well, I think. I dropped of the stuff this morning at 9am, spend an hour at Barnes.nNobles, picked up L from work, drove to the clinic, had a 1030 appt for the IUI, was done by 11, went to lunch, dropped L off and am now at home doing nothing.

Ls numbers were okay, I think
15.2 million
85% motility
2.5 grade
(this is post wash)

I think the timing was good. I was having some major stabbing pain this morning that has tapered to major aching so hopefully these were ovulation pains. The doc seems to think so.

So now we wait. Two very long weeks.

I want to remain positive but not get my hopes too high.

Its a go!

Today L and I drove the 30-40min to the clinic to get another ultrasound and bloodwoork. My follicles and lining looked great. I now have a 18 & a 17 on the left and two 17s on the right. The lining is at 8.5 A. The nurse said it looked great. So tonight at 10pm I am doing the hsg shot and monday morning is our IUI.

I had already signed all the disclaimer for ovulation induction and IUI at the beginning of the cycle but the nurse gave us the multiples disclaimer again. Obviously our chances for multiples increases with the number of follicles we have.

We are excited to be at this stage after the slow start we had.

Foto Friday

I've decided that I am going to post a "foto" post every friday. This will be sort of like a summary of the week in pictures. I love pictures.

Here is our house on Hallo.ween night. Can you see L on the rocker? lol

This is me in my Hallo.ween costume. L and I sat outside giving out candy for a little while. I also sneaked in one or two. :)


I came home today and found this unexpected package. I had a couple of emotionally rough days this week. One which included some crying on the phone to my sister. So today I get this box from her and I loved it. Thanks Sis, Love ya!!
This is my stockpile of medical stuff. I am trying to keep it nice and organized and this is one of the places I found to do it.
Earlier this week I had to order meno.pur from Sch.raf.ts. This is included in their paperwork. Weird but cute.

Now on to a cycle update. Today I had another us and bloodwork. My ovaries have decided to wake up now. Slowly but surely. I have 1-14ish, 1-13ish, 1-12ish and a bunch of little ones. We are happy with that progress and glad that something is growing. Of course not everything can go smoothly. I have another us tomorrow morning because my estrogen (?) went up over 1200, which from what I gather is not what we want. So I started with Gani.re.lix. today. I had a little trouble with that shot but got it in nonetheless. Apparently my doctor is afraid I might ovulate on my own before its time. Isnt that ironic. I have spend 2.5 years trying to ovulate on my own and now that I dont want to (timing for IUI) it might happen. lol "Isnt it ironic? Dont you think?"

Ok so I will try to update tomorrow.