Cruising

We are just cruising over here. If you glance up you can see that I am on cycle day 38. Yup 38 no sign of AF coming, snow white tests. So this is probably another loooong cycle for me that wont end until I go see the RE and get some meds. Obviously my body is still no cooperating or working as it should. Blah

Our RE consult is on Sept 10.

Question: Financially, how do you do it? I havent had my first appointment and I am already worried about the cost. My insurance wont cover it. Somedays I am ready to suck it up and get a loan and somedays I want to wait and save money for it but sh.it happens and the money doesnt keeping adding up. So how do you do it? How do you finance it and how do you not worry about it?

Change

I changed my blogspot address. I just felt like making a change sorry if it confuses anybody (I think theres one person out there besides me that reads this :) )

Its cycle day 30. No sign of AF anywhere. I dont even know if I ovulated this month. I was going to get bloodwork to check but was never able to make it to the doctors office. What are the chances that I ovulated on my own? Ha probably slim to none. Blah. Should I test? Blah. Havent decided.

This picture both makes me happy and sad. I am happy to have this beautiful child in our lives. I am sad that we only get to borrow this one from time to time and dont have one of our own for keeps. I am sad that I have been unable to give L a little one onto which he can give the love he holds in his heart. I pray that we get a little one for keeps soon. I know one way or another L will be a great daddy one day. I will be proud to raise a child to be just like daddy. L is truly one of a kind.

Break Over?

So technically we are taking a break this cycle. I am switching insurance at work and so my RE appointment had to be postponed until that happens in September. I am tired of waitin. I am ready to take the emotional and financial step of going through treatment.

The other day I was trying to explain to someone why sometimes its so hard to be around others with kids when you cant have any. I tried to explain why sometimes you have to hold yourself away from others, especially babies, so that you can bear the pain in your heart. I tried to explain the necessity for some of us to have a child (whether biological or adopted) to carry a piece of us into the future. But someone who doesnt know the struggle of infertility cannot understand these thing. For them it is so easy to say, 'well just learn to deal with it so you can be happy'. Well, my friends, its just not that easy.

"If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there"

Lyrics from If You're Going Through Hell by Rodney Atkins


"Yo no sé nada de ti
Y siento que en tu vida esta la mia
Yo quiero andar contigo y enseñarte cosas que
ni te imaginas, ni te imaginas"

Lyrics from No Se Nada De Ti by Obie Bermudez

Present

Yes, I am still here. I am not blogging much because I dont have much to say. We are taking a break from medicines other than the metformin. I originally had an appointment with a RE on Aug 22 but they called to tell me he wont be coming to the clinic near where I live so I had to choose another doc. I have an appointment on the 27th.

Other than that a heavy season of work started today. I got an A in my summer class. I am now registered for my last class for my MBA starting this month.

Busy, Busy