Change

I changed my blogspot address. I just felt like making a change sorry if it confuses anybody (I think theres one person out there besides me that reads this :) )

Its cycle day 30. No sign of AF anywhere. I dont even know if I ovulated this month. I was going to get bloodwork to check but was never able to make it to the doctors office. What are the chances that I ovulated on my own? Ha probably slim to none. Blah. Should I test? Blah. Havent decided.

This picture both makes me happy and sad. I am happy to have this beautiful child in our lives. I am sad that we only get to borrow this one from time to time and dont have one of our own for keeps. I am sad that I have been unable to give L a little one onto which he can give the love he holds in his heart. I pray that we get a little one for keeps soon. I know one way or another L will be a great daddy one day. I will be proud to raise a child to be just like daddy. L is truly one of a kind.

Break Over?

So technically we are taking a break this cycle. I am switching insurance at work and so my RE appointment had to be postponed until that happens in September. I am tired of waitin. I am ready to take the emotional and financial step of going through treatment.

The other day I was trying to explain to someone why sometimes its so hard to be around others with kids when you cant have any. I tried to explain why sometimes you have to hold yourself away from others, especially babies, so that you can bear the pain in your heart. I tried to explain the necessity for some of us to have a child (whether biological or adopted) to carry a piece of us into the future. But someone who doesnt know the struggle of infertility cannot understand these thing. For them it is so easy to say, 'well just learn to deal with it so you can be happy'. Well, my friends, its just not that easy.

"If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there"

Lyrics from If You're Going Through Hell by Rodney Atkins


"Yo no sé nada de ti
Y siento que en tu vida esta la mia
Yo quiero andar contigo y enseñarte cosas que
ni te imaginas, ni te imaginas"

Lyrics from No Se Nada De Ti by Obie Bermudez

Present

Yes, I am still here. I am not blogging much because I dont have much to say. We are taking a break from medicines other than the metformin. I originally had an appointment with a RE on Aug 22 but they called to tell me he wont be coming to the clinic near where I live so I had to choose another doc. I have an appointment on the 27th.

Other than that a heavy season of work started today. I got an A in my summer class. I am now registered for my last class for my MBA starting this month.

Busy, Busy

Fortune

This is what L's fortune cookie said today:

"Your spouse's bills are yours and yours are yours"

Sad but true, my love. Very True. Hahahaha

New Cycle

I started my cycle on friday. Of course it was the day we were going out of town for a friends wedding, very bad timing. Oh well on to a new cycle. We are taking a break this cycle with a consult visit to my new RE at somepoint this month.

Although I am happy with the progress we have made with the metformin and clomid, it is very hard to face the failure of each cycle. Before when I wasnt ovulating there really was no hope so I wasnt as vulnerable every month. But these last couple of months I have been so excited, so hopeful, so sure it was going to work. This is why am I ready to move on to the RE. Hopefully this will solve a problem.

PS My new ticker is a sign of my current mood. Enough said!

Book Tour

Book: The Kid

Author: Dan Savage

I really enjoyed this book and the different tone it took from many of the other books on infertility that we are presented with, namely that it was mostly humorous and told from the perspective of a gay male couple. The author says in the chapter "Grieving Our Infertility" (page 25 in my book, but not sure if we all have the same printing) that "Heterosexual identity is all wrapped up in the ability of heterosexuals to make babies....Infertility did more than shatter their expectations; it undermined their sexual identities." If you're part of a heterosexual couple and in fertility treatment, did you feel the same way? Did you feel that you had lost your sexual identity once you started treatment, or had somehow "failed" as a partner in terms of what is expected of you as a woman?

I do feel that I have "failed" as a woman. I am Hispanic which also plays an important role in my "failure". Nobody in my family has had problems conceiving, I have cousins who were p.g at 15. The typical stereotype is that Hispanics start having children their wedding night. Obviously I am not one of these people. As a child my image of adulthood did not include fertility treatments or struggles. My image was getting married and getting pre.gn.ant the day after that. So yes I feel like I have failed as a woman. I have failed myself, I have failed my husband, I have failed my family. Sometimes this failure weighs more heavily on me than other times.



How did you feel about a gay male explaining the emotions of infertility starting on p. 22? Were you offended or impressed? Do you think he got it right or was he far from the mark? Did you feel that he was correct when he said on p. 26, "I understood what they must have been going through"?

In some ways I think Dan was right in his statement but only talking on the point of view of his experience. I dont think he could really understand the pain of going through each cycle or the hope that is crushed. I dont think a person that hasnt experienced it can really understand the rollercoaster that is infertility and infertility treatments. I also think a g.ay man has more time to adjust to the fact that they will not have a biological child with their partner, while he.ter.o.se.xu.al couples do not get time to process this until they are hit with it in the face.


For a work of non-fiction, the theme of signs and coincidences plays such a large role in The Kid. On page 152, Dan writes about three twists of fate that bring Terry and he and Melissa together: "...the Seattle conception, the likelihood that Melissa spare changed us on Broadway, and the fact that the kid would be born at OHSU." Many other signs present themselves through the book such as the incident with Judy's fortune cookies, and my favorite, the fact that Dan and Terry had their first encounter in a bathroom and that they found themselves in a bathroom together at the moment their son was being born. What role do signs and coincidences play in your life in relation to your infertility and treatment? Do you find that you actively look for signs (good or bad), and how much do you take them to heart?

When we first started trying, every sign was a good sign but now I tend to look for signs that are negative. For example, L and I watch N.asc.ar and each have our favorite drivers, well my driver has been su.cki.ng all season long. I see that as a bad sign. It really has no rhyme or reason but thats it. I am also catholic and mexican which means my house is full of different saints, some turned backwards, some with coins, etc. So while I try to be oblivious to "signs" its in my nature to notice them. I do take signs to heart but I think it is a way to protect my heart from shattering.

Intrigued by the idea of a book tour and want to read more about The Kid? Hop along to more stops on the Barren Bitches Book Tour by visiting the master list in the post above . Want to come along for the next tour? Sign up begins today for tour #6 (Love and Other Impossible Pursuits by Ayelet Waldman) and all are welcome to join along . All you need is a book and blog.

Lastly, the fun part of the book tour is reading everyone else's response too and having them comment on your answers (I mean, without the comments and questions, it's sort of not a book club. It's just people talking to themselves about a book!). So please take a moment to comment on all the other blogs in the book tour.

Dear Husband,

I love you dearly I really do but please try to watch what comes out of your mouth before your say it. I know you dont realize what you say sometimes but sometimes not saying anything is better. Yes I did see the very young girl hanging out by our car at the grocery store. Yes I saw her smoking. I did not however see her pg. belly. Thanks for pointing it out though. For next time, please dont point out pregnant women to me. Yes I see them, I just choose to ignore them sometimes.

Love,
Your Wife

ovulated?

I went on monday for day 21 bloodwork and the results were 10.6. Not as good as last month. They said that it does indicate ovulation so that part is good. The bad part is that the level is very low so if I were to be pregnant I run the risk of losing it, so I started oral progesterone just to be on the safe side.

The nurse told me it would probably make me sleepy but I really didnt know that extend of it. She also told me to just stay on it until I get a period but everything I have read says that you have to get off of it before you can have a period. So I think I will take a pg test next wed/thur and get off it then. If anybody know for sure if you get your cycle while on prometrium please let me know.

Copying

I am copying Ann's post at The Unlucky 20 Percent because this is exactly how I feel and dont want to rewrite it. I am happy to see that I am not alone in this infertility rollercoaster.

Another Year

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 26. Usually I love my birthday but this year I wish it wasnt happening. When we started trying for a baby I thought for sure I would be a mom by the time I reached 25.

Yes I am young and have time on my side but just because I am young doesnt mean that I am less infertile. We have been trying for 2 yrs 5 mos. Most people in this 20s dont take that long. So no I do not want to hear:

• "but you are sooo young"
• "just give it time"
• "just enjoy being young and free"
• "are you sure you want kids?"
• "enjoy being alone with your husband"
• or any other phrase similar to these

Being infertile at a young age is like a double slap in the face, I think. One blow for being infertile and another blow for watching everyone your age pop them out one after the other

Yes world even though I am young my heart aches just like any other

Harry

If you are a Harry Potter fan and are excited about the new movie turn away from the computer and turn on "Harry Potter: Behind the Scenes". Its on now on A&E.

Die Hard

We went to see "Live Free or Die Hard" yesterday. It was pretty good, one of the best movies this year. You gotta love the sarcastic @ss. that is Bru.ce Wi.lli.es. He plays his typical sarcastic, co.cky. role he plays in the other Die Hards. Go see it, its pretty funny.

Other than that we are watching all the Harry Potter movies in preparation for the new movie that comes out next week. Yes we are geeks. lol

Happy Independence Day!!!!

Righty Tighty

I went in for my follicle check today and there was one nice size on the right. So I got the hcg shot to hopefully release it. The nurses are nice and a little superstitious. Last month I had the follicle on the left and got the shot on the left hip and this time its on the right so they gave it to me on the right. I hope it works.

So my question is what is a nice size? I tried to google it but cant come up with a definite answer. The tech said they like to see anything over 2.0 cm (20mm) and mine was 2.9 cm (29mm). I am worried over the fact that it was so big on cd 13 and that it hadnt released on its own. I hope I release it otherwise I will have a nice big cyst to deal with.

Gotta go back next week for progestrone bloodwork.

ETA: I am concerned about the size of my follicles, and the timing of my HCG shot. How big should my lead follicle be before I take my HCG shot?
A lead follicle should be at least 16 mm on an hMG like Pergonal, it should be at least 18 mm on a recombinant FSH like Gonal-F, and should be about 22 mm on Clomid. Occasionally Gonal-F can produce mature eggs in smaller follicles, in which case other measurements such as E2 and progesterone should be used to indicate maturity. (The difference in ideal size is due to the difference in mechanisms by which the medications work. For example, the mechanism by which Clomid works often takes a bit longer because it is indirect. Therefore, the follicle has more time to grow before the egg is actually mature).

2nd Half

Its now the second half of the year 2007. The first half has not brought by much for me, I am hoping the second half brings good news to many of us.

I havent really posted much because I really dont have much to say. Right now I am just waiting. I pee on an opk every evening but they all look the same. Tomorrow I will call the doc to see about an ultrasound since they will be closed on wed and I dont want to wait until fri. This is one of the main reasons I am ready to move to the infertility clinic, they offer more monitoring.

Happy July!!! The best month of the year!!!!!

Prayers

Our thoughts and prayers are with this family during what must be a very difficult and painful time.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,286693,00.html

Our Journey

I thought I would put in writing our journey so far:

Our Problems: I have PCOS, annovulatory cycles (dont make/release egg), no egg=no baby; L has soldiers with weird heads that cant swim.

Our Timeline:
Mar 2004 - married the love of my life
Feb 2005 - chucked birth control pills
July 2005 - no period since going off bcp so off to obgyn
July 2005-Dec 2005 - tried clomid no monitoring no luck
Feb 2006 - visit with RE Dr. L, clomid, no response (didn't like Dr. L too much)
Mar 2006 - opportunity to adopt international presented went
with it full force
May 2006 - trip to Mexico to meet with adoption people
July 2006 - adoption not as easy as made to be, not much hope given
August 2006 - back to new obgyn
Dec 2006 - give up hope on adoption
Jan 2007 - obgyn, clomid, hcg, no response, add metformin
April 2007 - laprascopy
May/June 2007 - obgyn says 3 more clomid cycles
June 2007 - clomid 200 (cd4-8), dexamethrasone (sp?), metformin 1000, hcg, ovulate, BFN

now on another clomid, dexa, hcg, metformin cycle

I was telling L today that if we had probably stuck with Dr. L in 2006 we might have our baby by now. But I know that we werent emotionally ready for that step. I am hoping this cycle is the one but if it is not I am now ready to go back to Dr. L although I will be looking for another doctor in that clinic.

I spent way too much time on the internet surfing blogs and message boards and I kinda feel like an inferior (rookie) infertile since we havent really gone deep into treatments like others out there have. Still, I know my pain is not any less than that of others.

I dont really have much to say since not much is going on. I am on cd 5 and started the clomid yesterday. Other than that I just wait and wait and wait. I want to do more. I want to do more to get pg. I really want to move to the RE since I can get more aggressive treatment there. But I am afraid of what going there means. I am afraid of the treatments that I might need and I am afraid of the cost of these treatments. I am doubtfull that we will conceive without more help like IUI or something. L's soldiers have flat heads and drown because they cant swim.

We have now been trying for 2 years 4 months. Today the universe is highly unfair and everything su.cks. Blah!

Doing Nothing...

Its saturday, we dont have a thing to do so we are passing away the day just bumming at home. I was playing around the internet and have created M&M characters for L and I. hahaha

Again

Sorry You Are Not A Winner

Please Play Again

Peri0d started today full force. Nice little wake up and face the real world message. I have to call my doctor today and see what he wants me to do. So on we move to play this game again.

Negativo

I caved and took a test this morning. Why it even crossed my mind that I would get something different than what I usually get is beyond me. Of course it was negative. I am somewhere between 11 and 13 dpo. Now I just wait this thing out. Blah

Blogiversary

I cannot believe that its been a year since I started this blog. I originally started it looking for others that had adopted and looking for those that had adopted from Mexico. Well things are way different than I thought they would be. I thought that by now I would have a toddler running around. Now our energies are focused on getting pregnant.

I tried to not let that little ray of hope climb into my heart but I failed. I keep looking for signs of pregnancy. I talk myself out of it because I dont want to be sad if this cycle didnt work. I will still be sad if it doesnt but I wont be devastated because at least I ovulated. I keep wanting to take a test but I am not. I will test if I dont have a period by next wednesday. I will go for bloodwork if I dont start by next thursday. In the meantime all I can do is wait.

Wait and dream.

16.9

For the first time in two and a half years I have ovulated!!! They like to see a level above 15 on a medicated cycle and mine was 16.9. We are extremely happy that we are at least seeing some progress. We hope and pray that we caught this eggie but if we didnt, we will start again next month. I dont really know when I ovulated so I have to go for a blood test late next week if I havent started my period.

Just a sit back and wait deal now.

Blood Su.ckers

Ramblings:

Yup I had my blood su.cked today. I should have the results tomorrow but I have a super busy day at work and might not be able to call the doctor's office for them until wed. haha this is the perfect excuse for being in denial and putting off the could be bad news. I am still cramping alot and dont know what in the world is up with that. At first I thought it might be a cyst in my ovary but its not a sharp pain and its not in one particular place just all around. My whole pelvic area, front and back, is painful. The nagging hope that creeps itself into my heart and brain think that it might be a positive sign. Ahhh the agony of waiting.

L is out of town again this week so I have spend my time by actually doing homework. I got tuesdays assignment done but not thursday. My staff hates when L is out of town because I dont sleep well so I wake up early and I am at work early so I catch alot of people coming in late. And yes 7:05 is late when you are supposed to clock in at 7. And if you do happen to come in at 7:05 make sure that you at least leave at 3:05 lol. Yes I am anal about getting to work on time and staying at work your whole shift. Other than that I think I am a lenient boss and try to work with my staff as much as possible so everyone is happy. The worst part is discipline. I really dont like this part of my job but sometimes its necessary. I do love my job though.

Question: We have been in our new house for a while now and the room that will hopefully one day be the nursery is the only one not set up. In our old house we had the nursey set up because we thought we are adopting and wanted to be prepared. In this house everything is just sitting there in pieces and not organized. So my question is do I set up this room as the nursery now, leave it as is with the door closed until something happens, turn it into a guest room/work room? What do you think?

Enough of my ramblings for now. Adios

Faith

I have been wanting to write my post about faith for a while now. Part of me has put it off because I just dont know where I stand.

I am catholic. I was raised as a nonpracticing catholic though I did all the sacraments. I am also mexican. Catholisism is big in Mexico and so is superstition and lots, lots of saints. So I didnt grow up going to church but L did so when we started dating I figured it was something we should do together because I wanted our children to be raised going to church. I believe in God and I believe in the saints. The thing is that sometimes I get angry with God. I cannot understand the 'why is this happening to me?'. I still pray but sometimes only because I dont want to risk not to. Sort of like kids are unsure of doubting Santa because then they wont get presents. I dont know what to think. Sometimes I feel like my faith is slipping away.

Sometimes I think that God is punishing me for something that I did in the past. But part of me refuses to believe that the God I believe in will hand out this precious gifts to those who do not love or appreciate them.

I am lucky in the fact that my husband has faith. He is unmovable in his faith and sometimes has to carry the faith for both of us.

On another note, I am thinking about sponsoring a child through Children International. Has anyone worked with them before? Please tell me what you think. I emailed a couple of questions to them and I am awaiting the answers before I sign up.

Another note on Hope, tomorrow is my cd21 progestrone bloodwork to see if I ovulated. I am praying that I did. I have been having cramping and even though I try not to hope is creeping into my heart that many there is a baby growing in there. I keep squeezing my boobs to see if they are sore lol So far they arent but then again I have never in my life had sore boobs. lol

If you have made it this far thanks for reading. I know there are a couple people who, probably accidently, click on my blog so leave us a message.

75%

Thats my percent chance of ovulating this month, according to my doctor. I went in for my ultrasound today and it showed a 'nice' or 'decent' (depending on who you ask) size follicle on my left ovary. So I am happy that at least there is some progress. Last go round we didnt get 'nice' we got nothing. I also got the HSG shot and I am praying that it works. I go back for labwork next monday to check for ovulation.

Drop eggie drop!!! lol

A four letter word

Hope. Theres that little four letter word that can hurt so much. I know that if I dont show any progress with the clomid and metformin this cycle that I am going to be terribly disappointed. Much more than any other times. I try to talk myself out of this, but I cant. The funny thing is that I am not even thinking past just maturing some eggs and releasing them. This cycle will be successful if my eggs are bigger than 11mm or if my cd21 progestrone is over 0.8 because I have yet to get past these points.

I know I have talked about moving past the clomid which I truly want to do. It might take longer than planned though. I was originally thinking this would be our last clomid cycle but I found out that my work might be adding infertility coverage to our insurance so I am going to hold out until July/August before moving to the RE again.

Next up a five letter word, Faith....

What Not To Watch...

If you have had a hard time getting pregnant or are infertile, dont go see "Knocked Up". The movie itself was kinda funny but only if you are not the person in the audience that has been trying for over 2 yrs. I thought it would be a good movie to go see so we went yesterday. I probably shouldnt have even though it made me laugh it also made me sad and angry. Even though it made me sad I didnt let it ruin the rest of my day by being gloomy so for that I am proud of myself.


Edited to Add: I feel better knowing I am not the only one that tortures herself. Check out what At This Point... has to say about this movie.

I shouldnt have

So L came back from his trip yesterday and I went to pick him up at the airport. I had some time to kill so I stop at JoAnns Fabrics and looked around. When I left there I was still early so I stopped at another store, Babies R Us. I really shouldnt have. Its like going to a candy store when you cant eat sugar. When I go to this store I see everything I dont have yet I couldnt help it since I passed right by it. I ended up buying this monkey rattle for the munchkin. Another item to be added to the pile that might or might not one day be used by our baby.

Please stop by and send some encouragement and prayers to my friend at The Waiting Womb!!!

Craziness

Nothing but craziness over here. L is out of town on business which means sleepless nights for me. I dont know what happened to me. I used to live alone in college and after college. Now I guess I am so used to my husband that I cant sleep when he is not here.

Today something funny happened. My sister-in-law lives down the street so I went over there for dinner. I had some watermelon here so I invited her and my mother-in-law to take a walk back with me and eat some watermelon. So we come in and a wasp looking thing makes it in the house. I am TERRIFIED of bees, wasps, anybody from that family so we had to get it out or I wouldnt be able to sleep. The stupid thing made it to the upstairs window. I, of course, am hiding in the bathroom while they try to figure out how to get it out. Their idea was to throw bean bags at it lol. That didnt work. So can you see three women screaming and running after every bean bag lol. Finally we called her husband who came over and caught the horsefly. lol

Always a new adventure in this house.

Our Garden

L and I worked on out gardens last week. This is a day view:

and a night view:

Its kinda cool to sit out there and listen to the fountain. Very soothing.

Back again?

I'm back again, for how long I do not know. Today is cd 1 after a 60some day cycle. The last couple of weeks have been good and bad. My parents came down to visit and that was nice. Mother's Day happened and that wasnt so nice. I really didnt think I would take it so hard but I did. So that sunday and even that monday were hard. Harder than I expected them to be. Slowly I am getting back to a good place.

I want this cycle to be positive. Any kind of positive will be good. Even just forming some eggs with the clomid would be nice. Releasing such eggs would be nicer. Having a positive pg test would be the nicest.

I am think that this will be our last clomid cycle if none of the above positives happen. I have been hanging on to this treatment because its the cheapest but I think it might be time to move on.

I'm Back!!

I'm back. I have been away from my blog for various reasons. I have been sick, busy with work, busy with finals, and just dont have much to chat about.

On the sickness front, I have come down with bronchitis which just sucks. There are really no other words to descrie it. So 100 bucks later I had a doctors visit, steroid shot, breathing treatment, and 3 prescriptions. I think I am over the worst of it and just have to wait out the rest. (knock on wood)

Work has also been busy. I was on a business trip for a few days and then had to catch up. Work is work. 'nough said.

School is finishing up for the semester. As a matter of fact I should be working on my final projects as I type this. Oh well maybe tomorrow.

On the baby front, there really isnt much going on. I went for my follow-up after surgery appointment. All clear on that. My obgyn gave me the option of 3 more rounds of clomid or going to the fertility clinic. Since I have been on the metformin for 1.5 months now, we hope that the clomid might be more effective this time. If anyone has any experience or advice on this I would really appreciate it.

I will try to get some pics of my new house up soon.

Why?

Why? Why? Why? That what I asked myself, God, and the world today when I read this article. There are tons of women, me included, that would love to be pregnant and have a baby. Why is it that babies are handed out to people that dont want them? and when they are handed to those who dont want them why cant those people be kind enough, mature enough to hand that baby to someone who really does want it?

Blah!!!

The Aftermath...

I am now at home resting from a horrendous surgery experience. The surgery itself and most of the recovery actually went pretty well. I remember a floating feeling and then I woke up in recovery. While in recovery they told me I could leave as soon as I went to the potty. Well time passed and more time passed and I still couldnt go. They did an in and out cathether to get the urine out and suprisingly let me go home at aroun 6:00pm (my procedure was for noon). I was really suprised to be sent home because I had been told that if I didnt pee I would be admitted, but I guess the outpatient department was ready to go home and so they send me home. That was a mistake. I ended up back in the ER at about 8:00pm because I couldnt pee and was in the most excruciating pain I have ever been in my life. It sucked. I couldnt sit, I couldnt move...you get the picture. They put a cathether in and took out some blood from my bladder which freaked us out a bit. I finally ended up coming home with the cathether at around 11:00pm with instructions to call my doctor in the morning. This morning my doctor gave me instructions on how to take the cathether out (which was kinda interesting) and an appointment to see him. I got to the doctors office and I was either going to be able to pee or another cathether would go in. It was kinda funny because there were 2 nurses, L and my mom waiting outside the bathroom to see if I had peed. I managed a little stream which was progress and from then on all has been fine. I do feel like I did 1000 crunches and someone punched me in the stomach. I am on percoset for pain, an antibiodic, and a medicine to make my bladder spams.

Now to the good part. The good part is that the doctor said it all looked good. My tubes were open, my ovaries had some tiny cysts in them which is to be expected with PCOS, and I had a tiny bit of endometriosis that the doctor lasered off. The doctor was very optimistic about it and says that there is no reason we cant get pregnant once I start ovulating.

So for now I am bumming around the house just sleeping and playing on the net. L left for a business trip a little while ago but my mom came to stay with me for the week.

Hope everyone has a great rest of the week.

I'm Back

We are finally settling in our new house. The internet is up and running and so is the satellite. This is life lol I am on spring break this week so that is awesome.

Tomorrow I am having my laparoscopy. Wish me luck.

Home Sweet Home

We are finally getting settled into our new house. I am always suprised at the amount of stuff that we have. I absolutely love the new house. We still have alot of unpacking and decorating to do but slowly it is coming together. This week is a short but busy week at work. I have staff meeting, Easter celebrations, and a doctors appointment. Then on friday (which I have off) we will be driving to Houston to have Easter with my siblings. It is rare that the four of us get together so it should be fun.

I will become a better blogger once I have my internet up and running.

3 years ago today...

Three years ago today I married the most amazing man in the world. He is truly my best friend. L and I had a great wedding surrounded by many friends and family. Our marriage is a good marriage. I love my husband. He is my world and I would be lost without him. We love, we argue, we laugh, we cry but above all we respect each other and our differences. We've had a tough year this year but our sorrows have only made our bond stronger.

My only wish this upcoming year together is to have a baby. A baby that we can share this huge love with. A baby that would take us from a family of two to a family of three. But at the same time I have come to realize over the past year that if we are not blessed with children, we will be ok. We will build a happy life just the two of us, a different life but a good life.

So I do believe in fairy tales and fairy tale marriages, the ones in real life just have some bumps along the way . I am blessed that my marriage is one so filled with happiness. I will always thank God that L became a part of my life and I became a part of his.

Love You, Babe!!!!

Prayers

Please say some prayers for my niece Laura who is in the hospital with pneumonia.

We love you wiggleworm!!

Checking In

Yes I am a bad blogger. I have tons of excuses but I'll save them for another day. We are still living with my SIL which is why I dont get on the computer that often. We are closing on our house on March 29, keep your fingers crossed that they dont push us back. The house is coming along beautifully and I cant wait to get in it.

My laprascopy is scheduled in April. I am kinda freaked out about this because I have never been in a hospital or had surgery or ever been under anesthesia. Everyone I talk to says its no big deal. I did schedule during spring break since I have the week off and dont have to take anymore time off work. So while we wait for my surgery, I am on 1000mg of metformin (read about it here). My body is slowing getting used to it but it has not been a smooth process. All I can say is that this better lead to something good. lol

Other than the above work and school keep me pretty busy.

A Winding Course

So I talked to my doctor today after last weeks negative ovulation results. He's a nice good doctor and I have faith in the course he wants us to take. I like him because he is a no nonsense kinda doctor and doesnt beat around the bush. He suggested getting a laparoscopy done to take an internal look and see if anything is going on in there. I am also to go on glucophage to help with the PCOS stuff. Tomorrow I go for some baseline bloodwork so I can start the glucophage. We will then reevaluate my situation in a few months at which point if I still havent ovulated on my own I will be refered to the RE. I am comfortable with this plan and can only hope and pray that it works.

On some lighter note, I will try and post some DC and house pictures soon.

Greeting from Washington, DC

Greeting from Washington, DC!!! I am attending a conference for most of this week up here. I was suprised to see snow on the ground while the plane landed and more suprised that it is still hanging around. Everyone says how warm it has gotten this week. Its a whopping 40 degrees. Thats not warm for us southeners lol. I will return home tomorrow after which I will have limited access to the internet because we are homeless lol Our new house is moving along rapidly and we hope to get in there in about 3 weeks.

On the baby making front, this was yet another negative cycle for me. Even with the hcg shot I was not able to ovulate. I had the nurse call L because I really didnt want to hear it from her. My doctor is out of town until monday and which point he will call me to discuss the results but we are expecting a referal to the RE. We will not be using our previous RE as I did not like his bedside manner very much. We have decided that we will wait until we are settled in our new home and take off all that stress to start any kind of fertility treatment although I think I might schedule an appointment to talk about our options. We shall see.

Happy V-Day

Happy Valentines Day!!!!

We had a pretty good valentines this year. We went to dinner and it was yummy. Then came home and tried to finish up our packing and moving. Romantic huh? lol

Hope everyone had a great day!!!

Hope?

My appointment went okay today. There is a little sign of life in my ovaries but not much. We decided to go ahead with the HCG shot even though the follicles werent near perfect size. Hopefully at least I will ovulate. I have bloodwork scheduled for next monday.

So now I am asking for prayers. Prayers that this cycle gives us our miracle, prayers that this cycle brings my ovaries back to life...Prayers to deal with whatever the results are.

Bad Blogger

****THIS IS MY 100TH POST! EXCITING!!!****

I have been a bad blogger. I really dont have any excuses other than the usual too much work, too much school, and too much to do. We have been moving our stuff to storage as we are scheduled to sign on the sale of our house on friday. We are going to a hotel for a few weeks until our new house is ready. Hopefully only a month tops.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to see how the clomid worked. I was thinking that it probably didnt work since I took 150mg and wasnt feeling any side effects or anything. That is until yesterday when I started cramping and twiches and then today I have the dreaded headache. I am not getting my hopes up that it worked. We shall see.

We have some dinner plans for Valentine's Day that I am excited about. I have wanted to go to this particular restaurant for a while now and we have finally gotten reservations.

I will update tomorrow after my appointment at @ 2:15pm.

2 years ago today...

Two years ago we started trying for a baby. Never, never did it cross my mind that it would take this long.

Sold

Our house sold!!!Yay!!! Our house sold over the weekend so we have been busy trying to find a place to live since our new house wont be ready for at least 6 weeks. We will be homeless starting in mid Feb. So between the packing, moving stuff to storage, changing address on a gagillion things and making sure we are not homeless, keeping up with our new house and of course work and school things are extremely busy around here.

On the baby making front, I started my cycle today so I will be taking Clomid and Dexasomething soon. I will also have an ultrasound on day 14 to see if and how the clomid worked. This will be my last cycle with my current obgyn so either I am pregnant at the end of this month or making an appointment with the specialist. I am thinking if this cycle is a bust we will wait until we are settled in the new house before going to the specialist. We'll see how it turns out.

Have a great one everyone!

One of The Big Debate

Disclaimer: This is my opinion in my blog. You are free to disagree but only in a nice way.

So I go attend night classes to obtain my MBA. This semester I have a marketing class. The professor is good and really gets the class involved. In todays lecture something was said that most didnt pay attention but I did. We were talking about changing demographics and one of the points was that 'more kids are getting raised by others'. ???. Does that mean what I think it means? Yup the ever debatable issue of working mommies. My sister and I have this discussion all the time. I think its a decision that every family must make looking at whats best for them.

I dont think that sending your baby to daycare means that you are letting someone else raise your kids. I think there are some great working mommies out there as well as some great stay at home mommies.

I will more than likely be a working mommy. Munchkin will go to the child care place at my employers central office. It is top notch as I work for a federally funded early childhood education organization lol. I am completely comfortable with their care. I really like my job and would like to be able to continue at it. Now this might change when we acutaly have a child but this is our opinion at the moment.

If anybody wants to chime in on this great debate, in a respectable way, feel free

Can you see it?

I have a pretty long commute to work every morning, about 45 minutes each way. The good thing about it is that its back country roads so not too much traffic. Along the way I see cows and lots of green pasture. Sometimes even some deer. This morning I turn the corner and this is what I see. (Yes I stopped in the middle of the road to take a picture, there was no traffic) Can you see it?

Its A RAINBOW!!!

P.S. I carry my digital camera in my purse just in case I see something cool. hehehe

Just for Fun

This is me:

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Just for the record, this thing does tell the truth about my moods. Hehehe

This is L:

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Just Chilling

Hey everybody, this is L, Sandra and I are just chilling out and enjoying some down time. The new house is coming along. The second floor is framed and they are getting ready to start on the roof trusses.

Take it easy!

L

Weird

Frances over at Unyielding tagged me. I am supposed to write 6 things that are weird about me. Thanks Frances for my first tag! :)

• I am anal about my socks. All my socks are ankle socks and the lines have to fit perfectly over my toes otherwise it drives me nuts
• I am claustrophobic and cant stand being enclosed. This is one of the reasons I have an open door policy at work lol
• Along with the above is that I dont like big crowds very much. This probably comes from not liking to be touched by strangers lol
• I have a fixation with monkeys. I just love them. My guest bathroom is monkey. I have monkey socks, slippers, blankets, almost anything you can think of.
• My toes look like Vienna Sausages. Long and skinny. Very weird
• I could only think of five and even those arent very good lol
• Edited to Add: I thought of another one: I do not like edges of food. For example, I only eat the brownies in the middle of the pan, rarely eat the crust of pizza :)

I am supposed to tag five people. So you gals are it:

• Lisa at In Due Time
• Jody at Just Keep Swimming
• Larissa at The Waiting Womb

Okay I could only think of three lol.

What she said...

Ditto to what Frances says in this post:

http://unyielding.blogspot.com/2007/01/yah-what-she-said.html

House

Here are some pictures of our new house. They are working on the first floor now.

I am freaking out a little because in order to buy the new house we have to sell our current house. Please send us some prayers to help sell our house. Thanks

A Rant

Why cant life be simple? Why are there always decisions to make? Arghhh. I feel like a very selfish person right now. One on hand a want a baby, any which way I can get it. On the other hand I want to be pregnant. I want to feel life grow inside of me. I know in my heart I will love my child the same no matter how it comes to our lives. I dont know what I want.

Over the past few weeks, we have heard some news that have dimmed our hopes on an adoption from Mexico. I knew from the beginning that adopting from there was hard but now I am thinking its almost impossible. It hurts my heart from having to walk away from it but I am starting to understand that my hope there is fruitless. We have not walked away completly. At this moment we have decided to stay on the list and keep hoping until our US paperwork expires. If there is no adoption by then we will very sadly walk away.

We have also decided to seek fertility treatments. I have one more round with my Ob/Gyn and if that doesnt work then we are going to an RE. The selfish part is that I am willing to do whatever it takes for this to work. I never thought I would get to this point but I have. L and I have decided that we will have a health/fertility loan if there gets a time we need it. Our insurance doesnt cover fertility so its all on us.

I finish my rant by saying that life is rather hectic and busy besides this baby business. Work is busy, I start school next week (only 2 classes left after this semester), and I am still going to the gym.

Oh yeah if anyone knows any good books about infertility and such please let me know.

Feel free to leave a message and make me feel special.

Exercise?

I joined the gym a couple days ago and today was the first day I got to go. Hmm...right now about all I can move are my fingers lol its is so depressing but I hope my motivation continues. I am just not happy with the way I look and want to lose 15-20lbs. I am excited to finally get to this. I also hope it helps baby wise. Thats what I think about while panting on the treadmill hahaha :)

Ok gotta go try to move my muscles lol

New Year

A new year, a new beginning. Here are some of my favorite quotes (the ones in blue are my favorite for this year).

If it were not for hopes, the heart would break.
-- Thomas Fuller

Don't lose hope. When it gets darkest the stars come out.
-- Unknown

Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.
-- Pope John XXIII

Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr

Dreams do not vanish, so long as people do not abandon them.
-- Unknown

Por muy larga que sea la tormenta, el sol siempre vuelve a brillar entre las nubes.
-- Khalil Gibran

El que la sigue la consigue.
-- Refrán

Nunca desistas de un sueño. Sólo trata de ver las señales que te lleven a él.
-- Paulo Coelho

La huella de un sueño no es menos real que la de una pisada.
-- George Duby

LUCKY '07!!!!

A look back and a look ahead...

As we are getting ready to step into 2007, I want to look back at 2006. There are many many things that happened this year in our lives. We started off the year on a bad foot with bad news at the RE at that point we decided not to pursue fertility treatments. We started paperwork for adoption from Mexico, thinking for a baby by Christmas, unfortunately the process was/is slower than we ever imagined it would be. So the worst thing this year is that there was no baby for us in 2006.

After all this I must say 2006 also had lots of positives. L and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary. Throughtout this whole process of becoming a family of more than two, our relationship has grown stronger. I am forever grateful to have L in my life. I also changed jobs. I love what I do now and hope to grow better at it in the coming year. My sister-in-law gave birth to a beautiful baby girl that is a spoiled rotten and a huge part of our lives.

Here's are our dreams for 2007:

• becoming a family of more than 2 (I keep saying more than 2 just in case God gives us more than one baby this year)
• celebrating our 3rd anniversary
• big celebration for L's 30th birthday
• moving into our new home

I hope and pray that all your dreams come true!!! Lucky '07!!!

Tourists

L and I decided to spend the day as tourists. So into the city we went. We went to the aquarium and the IMAX and the World War II museum. We had an awesome time and made some new friends.


You cant be a tourist in New Orleans without buying beads so here are mine. These are cool Texas A&M beads.
Overall it was a great relaxing day!!!

Relaxing Time

Larry, from now on to be called L, and I are both home this week. I am on holiday break and L took the week off. We are enjoying our time off together relaxing and hanging out. We spend this morning sleeping then the afternoon playing with Laura. I am so super glad and grateful that my sister in law lets us be a huge part of Laura's life. We spoil her rotten :-D. This evening we all took her out to Christmas in the Oaks. Its a hugh display of lights at one of the parks in the city. We go every year. Tonight it was super cold so this is me in my winter gear and photo backpack and hot chocolate.
This is L and me in front of the ponseita (?) tree.
Since some of you might want to know how cold it was I will tell you. It was a freezing 50 degrees lol I know for some of you reading in the north thats long sleeve shirt weather but for us southeners its a pull out your jackets and hats that are worn only a couple times a year lol

Christmas Traditions

We had a great Christmas Day today! We opened our Santa gifts bright and early as we were going to Larry's family later that morning. I must have been really good this year because I got some cool stuff. I got a couple lenses for my camera as well as a new backpack for my camera. Its super cool. In our house we also get to open one gift on Christmas Eve, its a tradition that Larry's mom did when he was a kid so we continue it at our house. The gift is always pj's. So that when you wake up on Christmas morning you have nice pjs in the pictures. These are our pjs this year. I got polar bears and Larry got superman.


This is one of my favorite gifts. Its a snowglobe with a mama and baby monkey. It is so super cool and I absolutely love it!!! Thanks Granny!!!!

An Epiphany

Its the eve of christmas eve today. Christmas is my favorite time of year, I love it. This year has been a little harder. I really thought that this year we would be celebrating with a baby. So as the Christmas cards come in from all of our friends and family, its hard to see their beautiful babies. My heart just aches thinking that that may never be us. So I was getting a little depressed and didnt like it. I am making an effort to be cheerful this holiday season and enjoy it to the fullest. Its not that my heart doesnt ache, its just that while before I tried to ignore it now I am learning to live despite the ache. I think I am doing pretty good.

So I had an epiphany. I had it a couple days ago but have been mulling it over. I have been moping and sad because I had hoped that we would be celebrating Christmas as a family. Obviously we dont have a baby so I kept thinking I was getting the shaft but in reality I am celebrating Christmas as a family. I have come to realize that Larry and I are a family. We are a family of two. We will continue to pray, hope and wish that soon we will be a family of at least three but we will also live our lives very happily as a family of two.

We have also decided that because of the instability and disorganization of the adoption process in Mexico, in 2007 we will be saving our money for infertility treatments. We will continue to monitor our case in Mexico but I am really seeing a long long long wait for that. We have a long way to save but we work hard and we will see what happens.

So in the spirit of Christmas I spend the afternoon in the kitchen coming up with these. I must say they are yuuuummmy!!! (Can you see where I tasted one of each?!)

Almond Chocolate Cookies

Banana Oatmeal Cookies Chocolate Strawberry Thumbprint Cookies

Merry Christmas!!!

Yet another negative

Yep another negative ovulation blood test. It sucks. I really dont understand why my body is not working. The adoption wait is also not going very well. If anyone know anything about the Mexican government is that its extremely complicated. You basically have to know someone somewhere to get anything done. I thought we had that but at this point I am not really sure.

I am trying not to get too sad and depressed over this especially this close to Christmas but it is becoming really hard. I really thought we would have a baby by this point. If I could just know what is in the future for us I could make my peace with it but I guess that would make life too simple.

For now I will cry for a while and then live my life with my wonderful husband and keep hoping. It is also getting harder and harder for me to have faith and to keep praying.

Merry Christmas!

Snow!!!!!!!

We saw snow!!! Okay more like a couple snow flakes but in El Paso thats a big deal. Its super cold here and I am hoping for a few more snowflakes.

Going Away

No not away from the blog but away for the weekend. We are going to go see my parents in Texas. I am so very very excited. We get to go to my favorite restaurants and see my old hangouts lol. I am taking an extra suitcase to bring back some goodies.

Adios!!!!

A new friend

This is our new friend. He hangs out and looks pretty in our front yard. His nose lights up, its cool!

From our home to yours!!!!!!!

Christmas Tree

We put up our Christmas tree a couple of days ago. I make sure to turn on the lights every night to enjoy it.

It is actually cold in Louisiana today so we turned on a fire. We get to use our first place maybe 2 or 3 times a year. As I type, I am sitting on the couch, watching tv with the fire going. Great way to spend the evening.

"It's beginning to look a lot like ChristmasEv'rywhere you go; Take a look in the five-and-ten, glistening once again With candy canes and silver lanes aglow...."

Its beginning to look alot like Christmas!!!!

One of our Christmas traditions is to pick out a new ornament that represents something especial to us for the year. Last year we did a new home one and so on. This year we chose this one. It is hilarious, we love it. First of all we are geeks. As I type we are laying in bed watching tv and playing on our laptops. We have been known to play games online against each other while sitting on the couch lol. Secondly the two characters on the screen sing and are absolutely hilarious. We turned heads at Hallmark because we were laughing to hard. If you are in Hallmark check it out.

This one we got for the munchkin. Its a very cute winnie the pooh.
These are my new monkey christmas pj pants. They are super comfy and I love them.
Our Thanksgiving was pretty good. We spend it with Larry's family. We had tons and tons of food. We had a good time. I did have a rough moment because there were a couple of babies there and my heart ached for a baby of my own. Luckly for me, my husband is pretty smart and figured out my moment of sadness. He held me while I cried for a little bit and then we went on with our day. Just for the record, they are two of the cutest baby girls ever. It wasnt jealousy or a 'why them?' moment. It was more of a 'why not me too?' moment. Anyway I got over it.

I had a great week off and look forward to putting up our tree this weekend!!

Oh yeah by the way GIG 'EM AGGIES!!!!!!!! SAW 'EM OFF!!!!

AGGIES 12

TEXAS 07

Special Gift

Aunt Linda gave us this very special Santa. First of all, he is Mexican. Aunt Linda bought it in Tijuana, Mexico many years ago. Secondly, its about 30 some odd years old. He has been very well taken care of at Aunt Linda & Uncle Mike's house, now he has a very special place in our home. It was passed down to us and we will make sure to take good care of him. We know he comes with alot of love.

Thanks Aunt Linda!!!!

Happy Turkey Day!!!

Vacation

Ah...sweet vacation. I am on vacation this week and enjoying every minute of it. So far I have had lunch with some people from my old job, been shopping, had my hair cut, slept, and watched movies. At this moment I am watching Pride & Prejudice for the second time. Tomorrow my sister-in-law and I are taking the baby to see Santa. Exciting stuff!

I am also waiting for the realtor to come and see about our house. We are probably going to put it on the market this week. Wish us luck. There is not much progress on our new house yet but I am sure they will be moving quickly on it soon.

On the other hand, I am a little sad on the baby department. I had hoped that we would be celebrating Christmas as a family of 3. Oh well, I am sure Larry and I will enjoy what will hopefully be our last Christmas just the two of us.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Good Mail Day

This was in our mailbox the other day. We are now approved by the United States of America to adopt a foreign born child. It only took us 6 months to get it lol Now we just need to find the kiddo. At least we are moving forward, slowly but surely

Negative

As I thought, the test was negative. It really wasnt a big suprise. Now I started provera to induce a cycle then I call back when that happens.

A Song for Munchkin

This is a song from us to munchkin (Its from Aladdin):

I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess (or prince) , now when did
you last let your heart decide

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways, and under
On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I’m in a whole new world
With you
Now I'm in a whole new world with you.

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath- it gets better
I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far I can't go back to where I used to be

A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment red letter

I'll chase them anywhere, there's time to spare, let me share this whole new world with you

A whole new world
A whole new world
That's where we'll be
That's where we'll be
A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For you and me

Ver 2
A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment gets better

To Tes or Not To Test

Yup that is the question. If you look at the ladder above it shows that I am on day 57+ of my cycle. The last two cycles have been 42 days or so long each and we were hoping that I was getting more regular. I dont think I am pregnant as I feel fine and have no signs of sickness or tiredness. Yet that tiny ray of excitement is creeping up. So I can keep my ray and live in denial or I can just go ahead and take the test to make sure its negative and call the doctor. I've been putting it off but I guess I better deal with it. We will probably go to the store tomorrow to get a test then get the guts up to try it. Even though I expect it to be negative, my heart still aches when I actually know for sure it is.

Anyway I will probably call the doctor sometime next week. He will give me something to start my cycle then I will do Clomid and some other medicine and see how that goes.

Pity Party

I am throwing a pity party for myself today. I am lonely. Larry is gone yet again. This will be the 3rd week in a 4 week period. Before that it was another few weeks. I hate coming home to an empty house. I hate sleeping in an empty bed. Basically I just hate being alone at night. It doesnt help that I am afraid of the dark. It also doesnt seem to help that there is no end in sight.

I love my husband more than anything and maybe that is what makes it harder. My dad was always working and when Larry and I were talking marriage this is one of the things that I was very firm on. I was not going to get married just to be alone and yet this is what seems to be happening. We have talked circles around this issue and there is not much we can do. It is part of his job and I just have to learn to live with it. He doesnt like it any more than I do. He hates being away but what are we to do. It wasnt supposed to be part of his job. He left a job that had him traveling more and took a pay cut yet it seems that it didnt make a difference.

Also sometimes I think that maybe this is why God hasnt given us a child. Maybe its because this isnt the life that we would want for that child. We want the life were daddy is home to play and be soccer coach, not the life where we wait for his plane to come in.

Just needed to vent

Almost ready to start

As previously posted, we are building a new house. This is where it will sit.

I love this picture. Its really cool. This is the stake that marks our property line.

The neighborhood we are moving into is very family friendly. There are alot of kids and the neighborhood is safe. The house is also kid friendly and very spacious for all those things that babies bring with them.

Now all we need is a baby or a couple babies. Hopefully we wont have a big empty house for too long. I really really hope its not too much longer.

Want what you dont have?

Do people always want what they dont have? I think so at least some people do. It is insane the amount of times I have heard "just enjoy your life without children". Does this mean that when you have children your life sucks? I dont know since I dont have one. But it makes me mad that this same words are spoken by someone who is holding their little one in their arms or just finished telling me about some great thing their kid did.

Yes I am only 25 years old, but I have done what I want to do without a baby and now I am ready for a new stage of my life. Some people are not ready for this stage until they are 30 or 33 or 22 or 23, the fact is that I am. I am ready to be a family of more than two, I am ready to have my life revolve around the life of my baby. So dont tell me 'just relax' or 'maybe its fate' or any of that bull because I just dont want to hear it. As a matter of fact I dont really want to talk about it with anyone at this point. I just want my baby

Faith

I bought this bracelet over the weekend. Its to help me remember that I have to have faith. Faith that a baby is part of our future. Faith that if this is not so that we will be able to survive and keeping on going.

News

We got news! Although not all positive even knowing that our paperwork is being looked at is good news at this point. So our case is being reviewed and we basically got moved to the 'incomplete' pile. This is what needs to be resent:
-new employment letters
-new reference letters
-signatures on the translations
-something about the birth certificates and marriage license

I have already started working on that stuff. Then we are waiting for Larrys fingerprint appointment and that elusive INS approval. There is hope.

On a funny note, you know that you have a desperate/hard situation when Maw-Maw needs to change saints because the first one couldnt quite cover it. lol We are past St Gerard and have moved on to St Gianna. lol

New Home

We are moving! Yup we are buying a new house. Its in an awesome family friendly neighborhood. Its alot bigger than are current house and closer to the interstate. It will be about a 5 minute commute for Larry and a 35 minutes commute for me. We are super excited about it. Its new construction so it will be done around March-April. This is the floorplan we picked:

Another one bites the dust

The doctor's office called this morning. Another non ovulatory cycle. I dont know if I am not ovulating at all or just ovulating really late in the cycle. Either way its not normal. So after I start my cycle I will be taking clomid and another drug that starts with a d. Hopefullly this will do the trick. I did get a copy of my bloodwork results just so I could play doctor and look up some stuff on the net. I have yet to get to that, its on my to do mountain.

On other news, I think we found a house. It will be new construction and we know where it will be. Larry and I are still negotiating about which floor plan it will be. Its a tough negotiation between the two of us. We have to figure it out by Sat which is when we will go meet with the builder.

Adios for now

More Pictures

From most of my posts you can tell who carries the camera lol So I let Larry take a picture of me so he could stop pouting.
Then I took the camera back. This is Larry with a monkey mask. He looks so funny. It suits him though lolThis is something we bought for the munchkin. Its a monkey backpack. I love it.

So that was our day today. It was fun. We also went looking at some houses. There are some good prospects.

Pictures

Just to update you all, I am feeling all better from the accident the other night. Not too much soreness anymore. The car is okay. We probably wont get the bumps fixed because its just not worth it at this point. We'll see.

Today we had a wonderful day. Larry had to DJ a corporate party today at the zoo so I tagged along. It was a beautiful day. Here are some cool pics from today.

This is a typical New Orleans brass band. They are kinda cool:

This is Larry with the sea monster:

This is one of my cool buddies, the orungatan (sp?): I think this is the coolest picture. Its a White Alligator. Yes its alive. You can see him through his glass tank
This is one of the tragedies of Hurricane Katrina. Tony the Hippo died because of the hurricane. We are hoping they will bring another hippo soon.

More pictures to come...

Shitty Shitty Day

My day sucked. There is no better way to put it. It started this morning when I woke up lonely because Larry was out of town. Added to that I woke up late. Then I went to get in the shower and saw this huge cockroach. I hate cockroaches. I drowned it, then smashed it, then threw it in the trash can. Ok then I had to attend a training all day long. I just dont like sitting down for long periods of time. I need to move around alot. I had school this evening so that was another 3 hrs of sitting.

So up to then it doesnt sound too bad. Then on my way home from school something happens that I end up here:

Yup the ER. I take the back road to my house. Its a pretty busy two lane road. Tonight, I am driving along, talking to my dad on the cell phone (hands free device been used). Out of nowhere I see this dog running onto said road. Of course you probably know what happens next. I swerved to avoid the f****ng dog and lost control of my car. I spun various times ended up in the barricade.

Since I am writing this obviously I am okay. I am banged up and will probably hurt like hell tomorrow. My car is also banged up but fixable.

Getting sleepy now. Will update later.

Summary

Okay so apparently our life has been busy. The other day we finally got a chance to go to dinner with my mother-in-law (this used to be an almost daily occurance). Its been a while. So as we are eating she's like "So, whats up with you guys? People have been asking me..." As an aside, Larry's family is very close and know all about our journey to become parents. We dont really mind that they know. We have just been really busy and haven't seen them in a while.

So back to the question. Whats up with us? Well I guess I would say not much. I will give a brief summary for those reading.
On the adoption front, Larry's fingerprints got rejected by INS so he has to redo them on Oct 27th. Also the political instability in Mexico is only getting worse. We are starting to accept the fact that the wait for a baby will be longer than we ever dreamed. It saddens us that this is the case since there are so many children in need there.
On the baby making front, my bloodwork came back normal. Which just means that what was tested is not the problem. I am on a roll with 2 cycles on my own so that is just a wait and see thing.

Basically right now we are just waiting. There is just not much we can do. We enjoy being with each other and spoiling our nephews and niece. I work and go to school and keep myself relatively busy. Oh yeah we are also looking at moving to a new house. Yes this would be our 4th move I think lol We are hoping to move closer to my work. We are talking about it.

This is our life at the moment

Lucky

I am a very lucky person. One of the good points of my marriage besides having a wonderful husband is that fact that I have great in-laws. They are great people and we get along very well. We get together with Larrys family alot and usually have a great time.

Today I got home and this was waiting for me:
Yup a Curious George cookie. Isn't it cool? My mothe- and sister-in-law went to the bakery and saw this so they bought it for me. Gotta Love Them

Now should I eat it or save it? lol

Gloominess

Yes its that kind of day today. Its gloomy and rainy and not making me feel happy. It started early this morning before going to church. This morning we had to go to the dump first thing. It stunk. It was so awfully gross. Then we go to the bakery and my muffin was not good. I didnt like it. So then comes church. If you really know me, you know that it was only after I got married that I started going to church every sunday. I didnt grow up in the church so dont feel the need to go every sunday. Larry on the other hand did grow up in the church and feels the need to go every sunday. I feel that its my duty as his wife to go together. Sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes I dont care, and sometimes it makes me sad.

Today was a sad day. The homily/sermon was about being a good mommy/daddy. My question is when am I going to get to be a mommy. Will I ever hear the sound of someone screaming "Moooommmmy". So while he is going on and on about whats a good mommy, blah blah blah, I get sadder and sadder. I think I can be a good mommy so my question is WHEN DO I GET TO BE A MOMMY? Thats what I want to know

Oh yeah and immigration rejected Larry's fingerprints so he has to get them redone a month from now. Isnt that just great

Update on the bloodwork. The nurse said that all my test came back within the normal range which means that at least we can say that those are not the cause of my problems. So another blood test to check for ovulation later this month. We shall see what happens.

Bad Blogger

Okay I am a bad blogger. I was doing so well and then I got swamped. Between work and school and home and all that, I just have enough time to check email and jump into bed. Its fun though. The job is going great and school is going well. I have certainly been busy though.

On the baby front, I had some blood work done on Monday. The nurse called today and said everything came back normal. What does this mean? I have no idea lol She called in between meetings so I didnt have much time to talk. I will call her again to see what that means. I was also supposed to try clomid again this month but I forgot to ask her about that too. It was a busy day today. But tomorrow is friday! Yay!

Life Is Good

Two In A Row

If you look right above this post you will see one of my tickers. Today its on cycle day 1. Yup thats right, I started another cycle on my own. Oh I wonder if it could be, could I finally be getting regular? That would be awesome. I'll be getting some bloodwork done on monday.

But with everyone of these cycles. I have horrible PMS. Just ask Larry:) He usually bears the brunt of it all. I can actually feel my mood swings come and go. Its kinda creepy. Lucky for me he is a wonderful man and tries to understand that I cant control most of it.

Adding to my PMS is the fact that Larry has been working like a madman. Tomorrow will be his 7th day in a row working. I get lonely. I dont ever remember lonely like this. But with him working so much, my new job and school I am really missing my husband. Hopefully it will all calm down soon and we can spend some quality time together.

Survived

I survived my first week at my new job. I love it. I absolutely love it. I have lots and lots of work but it keeps me busy and its good work. Now hopefully a relaxing weekend lies ahead.

Food for Thought

As many of you know, I now manage a Head Start center. The center has kiddos from 0-5. I was talking to my sister the other day and shes like 'I bet it will be hard for you being around the kiddos'. I must say it really isnt. The youngest is 6 months and the oldest is almost 5. We are getting a couple baby babies so that should be cool. I really like my new job and I enjoy playing with the kiddos when I get a chance. Today I ran into this quote and I think this is why I am so relaxed about all this:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-Jeremiah 29:11

I will take that to bed with me tonight.

Landfall

The storm has definitely made landfall. My new job is really cool. I like it so far. I have alot of responsibilities and tons of paperwork. Other than a trip to the ER for a little one's smashed finger (I really could have lived without that). It was an eventfull first day to say the least. The people are awesome and the kiddos are cute. I really think I will like it here. At least I hope I do. The only thing that sucks a little is that I go in at 730am and I am not a very good morning person. I better get used to it now. lol We shall see how the rest of the week goes.

The Calm Before The Storm

Tomorrow I start my new job. I am nervous but excited. I really think I am going to love it. I'll be really busy though. Wish me luck!

To relax, we bought this cool rocker. It was 40 bucks at Wal-Mart (I've never gotten something 50% off at Wal-Mart lol). Here's Larry taking a rest after the tough job of putting the chair together.
And here is Larry having what looks like a very serious conversation with Max. I wonder what they were discussing lol.
Are you wondering why I didnt get a picture on our brand new chair? Well its about 1000% humidity today so I was out there for about 30 seconds. Just long enough to snap a photo. Than back to the A/C for me. This humidity sucks.

Political Instability

I am very sad to see the political stability happening in Mexico. As sad as I am for us and what this means for our adoption plans. I am even more sad for the people of Mexico. This political turmoil keeps the people of Mexico from getting better services that they are entitled to. I really hope that the politicians stop to think about what this does to the people they are supposed to be representing.

What this does to our adoption plans? I do not know. Nobody really knows. All we can do is wait. We are getting rather good at waiting lol Gotta have faith I guess.

By the way, if you look on the bottom left hand corner of the page you can see that my counter has surpassed 1000 hits. Yay! Most of them are probably from me reloading the page to see how far along my counter is lol. So I know that somebody out there is looking at this page so leave me a message. It makes me feel special. You dont have to have a blogger account :)

Also this is my 50th post. As weird as it may sound this is a good outlet for me. Its very good therapy. I try to post my goods and my bads. If you are reading, I hope you are enjoying my life story lol

Good Relaxing Weekend

We had an awesome relaxing weekend at the coast for the most part. We were sad to see the devastation of Hurricane Katrina, even after a year rebuilding is nowhere near beginning. We hope to see the area return to its pre hurricane splendor.

On to the awesome relaxing weekend stuff. We stayed at the Beau Rivage, it was really cool. We were on the 21st floor and had a very nice view of the gulf. Here is a picture of our hotel at night:
Here is a view of the Gulf of Mexico from our hotel room. Its no ocean but its still cool.
And here we are walking on the dock by the beach. A really nice lady from Texas took our picture. It was a little cloudy and rainy but we survived.
Oh yeah we lost $7 at the casino. Big spenders we are.

On the way home we stopped at the outlet mall to do some shopping. It was some nice retail therapy. So I am ready for my last week at my current job and to start the adventure of my new job.

Life is good...

Yay for Long Weekends

I so needed this long weekend. I had originally planned to take fri-tues off but today I had to go to new employee orientation and I have to go again on tues. I still have the day off on monday. Tomorrow Larry has to work and I have some homework to do that I will do while he is working. Then on Sunday we are leaving to go here. I am so excited! I have never seen the Gulf of Mexico. It should be fun. I will make sure to take lots of pictures. Have a great weekend everyone!