I have been wanting to write my post about faith for a while now. Part of me has put it off because I just dont know where I stand.
I am catholic. I was raised as a nonpracticing catholic though I did all the sacraments. I am also mexican. Catholisism is big in Mexico and so is superstition and lots, lots of saints. So I didnt grow up going to church but L did so when we started dating I figured it was something we should do together because I wanted our children to be raised going to church. I believe in God and I believe in the saints. The thing is that sometimes I get angry with God. I cannot understand the 'why is this happening to me?'. I still pray but sometimes only because I dont want to risk not to. Sort of like kids are unsure of doubting Santa because then they wont get presents. I dont know what to think. Sometimes I feel like my faith is slipping away.
Sometimes I think that God is punishing me for something that I did in the past. But part of me refuses to believe that the God I believe in will hand out this precious gifts to those who do not love or appreciate them.
I am lucky in the fact that my husband has faith. He is unmovable in his faith and sometimes has to carry the faith for both of us.
On another note, I am thinking about sponsoring a child through Children International. Has anyone worked with them before? Please tell me what you think. I emailed a couple of questions to them and I am awaiting the answers before I sign up.
Another note on Hope, tomorrow is my cd21 progestrone bloodwork to see if I ovulated. I am praying that I did. I have been having cramping and even though I try not to hope is creeping into my heart that many there is a baby growing in there. I keep squeezing my boobs to see if they are sore lol So far they arent but then again I have never in my life had sore boobs. lol
If you have made it this far thanks for reading. I know there are a couple people who, probably accidently, click on my blog so leave us a message.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Faith
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Im such a shitty friend. Sorry for not commenting much. Fingers crossed for the blood work, I get mine done in two more weeks lets just hope the damn lab doesnt forget to order the fucking thing again this time though!!
Infertility really tests our faith. I was raised in church and my father is a minister. I turned from God about a year ago. I just couldn't believe he would let me go through this. He is all powerful, right?
Towards the end of last year, I went through a class at church which really renewed my faith. It is my belief that there is a lesson in all of this - for me. I also believe that God is in a lot of pain watching us ache and cry.
I think it is a good thing to question our faith because it can make it so much stronger. I hope that your path leads you much closer to God.
It is a hard path, but you are very strong.
Sending good thoughts for the blood work.
I just added you to the book tour. The only other thing I need is an email address since some of the book stuff takes place via email (like sending out the question list). You can just send me an email at thetowncriers@gmail.com.
Hey Sandra....Lila and I love you and L lots and you are in our prayers......Who would have though that eggs could be so exciting!!!! We want to go swimming in that new pool I am hearing about.....pink polka dot bikini, for Lila of course!!!!
Chin up Monkey!!!
You captured so many of my feelings. Thanks.
I hope you can sort through your faith. The trouble is, faith doesn't make sense, so it can be kind of hard to convince yourself. You just have to choose to believe, or not.
Great choice of post for 2007.
Bea
If it in not too late, I suggest World Vision for sponsoring. They are very reputable and do great work.
http://www.worldvision.org
Post a Comment