Why cant life be simple? Why are there always decisions to make? Arghhh. I feel like a very selfish person right now. One on hand a want a baby, any which way I can get it. On the other hand I want to be pregnant. I want to feel life grow inside of me. I know in my heart I will love my child the same no matter how it comes to our lives. I dont know what I want.
Over the past few weeks, we have heard some news that have dimmed our hopes on an adoption from Mexico. I knew from the beginning that adopting from there was hard but now I am thinking its almost impossible. It hurts my heart from having to walk away from it but I am starting to understand that my hope there is fruitless. We have not walked away completly. At this moment we have decided to stay on the list and keep hoping until our US paperwork expires. If there is no adoption by then we will very sadly walk away.
We have also decided to seek fertility treatments. I have one more round with my Ob/Gyn and if that doesnt work then we are going to an RE. The selfish part is that I am willing to do whatever it takes for this to work. I never thought I would get to this point but I have. L and I have decided that we will have a health/fertility loan if there gets a time we need it. Our insurance doesnt cover fertility so its all on us.
I finish my rant by saying that life is rather hectic and busy besides this baby business. Work is busy, I start school next week (only 2 classes left after this semester), and I am still going to the gym.
Oh yeah if anyone knows any good books about infertility and such please let me know.
Feel free to leave a message and make me feel special.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
A Rant
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5 comments:
Hey...I think I wrote a very similar post a few weeks back :). I've read 2 books I absolutely adore, "A Few Good Eggs" and "When Nature's Not Enough". They are both very good and discuss different sides of what can happen in different treatments. Any questions, email me.
As soon as we decided that I'd go back to school fulltime it seemed that we decided to TTC again. Money is an issue for us more now than ever, but something in me says that if I don't do everything I can to make this happed then I will never be a mother. So, exercise, eat right, seek therapy, and get myself together I am! We will adopt for sure but I will never feel right about letting go the dream of pregnancy unless I am truly dedicated to making that happen.
I know that each of us has our own path. I just wanted to say that you are not alone.
I still have your PCOS book I need to mail back to you..ughhh Im such a book whore..lol..
I had my FSH and LH (is that it?) done in Feb and April 06 if you want to go back to the archives..
We want to do treatments too and debating some money issues with it
Hugs.. thinking about you!!!
I have a book that is called PCOS as well. I use it more as a reference not cover to cover read... hmmm, Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler is another good book. There is a whole web community built around her concepts. www.ovusoft.com
The adoption community is hard as well as the infertility community. It puts you in a sisterhood, that although you are glad you have that support, you really don't want to be in that group to begin with. But no matter where it takes you, be it adoption in Mexico or IF treatment it will work out. A friend of mine told me that, I didn't believe her, but it's true. Good luck
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