A four letter word

Hope. Theres that little four letter word that can hurt so much. I know that if I dont show any progress with the clomid and metformin this cycle that I am going to be terribly disappointed. Much more than any other times. I try to talk myself out of this, but I cant. The funny thing is that I am not even thinking past just maturing some eggs and releasing them. This cycle will be successful if my eggs are bigger than 11mm or if my cd21 progestrone is over 0.8 because I have yet to get past these points.

I know I have talked about moving past the clomid which I truly want to do. It might take longer than planned though. I was originally thinking this would be our last clomid cycle but I found out that my work might be adding infertility coverage to our insurance so I am going to hold out until July/August before moving to the RE again.

Next up a five letter word, Faith....

What Not To Watch...

If you have had a hard time getting pregnant or are infertile, dont go see "Knocked Up". The movie itself was kinda funny but only if you are not the person in the audience that has been trying for over 2 yrs. I thought it would be a good movie to go see so we went yesterday. I probably shouldnt have even though it made me laugh it also made me sad and angry. Even though it made me sad I didnt let it ruin the rest of my day by being gloomy so for that I am proud of myself.


Edited to Add: I feel better knowing I am not the only one that tortures herself. Check out what At This Point... has to say about this movie.

I shouldnt have

So L came back from his trip yesterday and I went to pick him up at the airport. I had some time to kill so I stop at JoAnns Fabrics and looked around. When I left there I was still early so I stopped at another store, Babies R Us. I really shouldnt have. Its like going to a candy store when you cant eat sugar. When I go to this store I see everything I dont have yet I couldnt help it since I passed right by it. I ended up buying this monkey rattle for the munchkin. Another item to be added to the pile that might or might not one day be used by our baby.

Please stop by and send some encouragement and prayers to my friend at The Waiting Womb!!!

Craziness

Nothing but craziness over here. L is out of town on business which means sleepless nights for me. I dont know what happened to me. I used to live alone in college and after college. Now I guess I am so used to my husband that I cant sleep when he is not here.

Today something funny happened. My sister-in-law lives down the street so I went over there for dinner. I had some watermelon here so I invited her and my mother-in-law to take a walk back with me and eat some watermelon. So we come in and a wasp looking thing makes it in the house. I am TERRIFIED of bees, wasps, anybody from that family so we had to get it out or I wouldnt be able to sleep. The stupid thing made it to the upstairs window. I, of course, am hiding in the bathroom while they try to figure out how to get it out. Their idea was to throw bean bags at it lol. That didnt work. So can you see three women screaming and running after every bean bag lol. Finally we called her husband who came over and caught the horsefly. lol

Always a new adventure in this house.

Our Garden

L and I worked on out gardens last week. This is a day view:

and a night view:

Its kinda cool to sit out there and listen to the fountain. Very soothing.

Back again?

I'm back again, for how long I do not know. Today is cd 1 after a 60some day cycle. The last couple of weeks have been good and bad. My parents came down to visit and that was nice. Mother's Day happened and that wasnt so nice. I really didnt think I would take it so hard but I did. So that sunday and even that monday were hard. Harder than I expected them to be. Slowly I am getting back to a good place.

I want this cycle to be positive. Any kind of positive will be good. Even just forming some eggs with the clomid would be nice. Releasing such eggs would be nicer. Having a positive pg test would be the nicest.

I am think that this will be our last clomid cycle if none of the above positives happen. I have been hanging on to this treatment because its the cheapest but I think it might be time to move on.

I'm Back!!

I'm back. I have been away from my blog for various reasons. I have been sick, busy with work, busy with finals, and just dont have much to chat about.

On the sickness front, I have come down with bronchitis which just sucks. There are really no other words to descrie it. So 100 bucks later I had a doctors visit, steroid shot, breathing treatment, and 3 prescriptions. I think I am over the worst of it and just have to wait out the rest. (knock on wood)

Work has also been busy. I was on a business trip for a few days and then had to catch up. Work is work. 'nough said.

School is finishing up for the semester. As a matter of fact I should be working on my final projects as I type this. Oh well maybe tomorrow.

On the baby front, there really isnt much going on. I went for my follow-up after surgery appointment. All clear on that. My obgyn gave me the option of 3 more rounds of clomid or going to the fertility clinic. Since I have been on the metformin for 1.5 months now, we hope that the clomid might be more effective this time. If anyone has any experience or advice on this I would really appreciate it.

I will try to get some pics of my new house up soon.

Why?

Why? Why? Why? That what I asked myself, God, and the world today when I read this article. There are tons of women, me included, that would love to be pregnant and have a baby. Why is it that babies are handed out to people that dont want them? and when they are handed to those who dont want them why cant those people be kind enough, mature enough to hand that baby to someone who really does want it?

Blah!!!

The Aftermath...

I am now at home resting from a horrendous surgery experience. The surgery itself and most of the recovery actually went pretty well. I remember a floating feeling and then I woke up in recovery. While in recovery they told me I could leave as soon as I went to the potty. Well time passed and more time passed and I still couldnt go. They did an in and out cathether to get the urine out and suprisingly let me go home at aroun 6:00pm (my procedure was for noon). I was really suprised to be sent home because I had been told that if I didnt pee I would be admitted, but I guess the outpatient department was ready to go home and so they send me home. That was a mistake. I ended up back in the ER at about 8:00pm because I couldnt pee and was in the most excruciating pain I have ever been in my life. It sucked. I couldnt sit, I couldnt move...you get the picture. They put a cathether in and took out some blood from my bladder which freaked us out a bit. I finally ended up coming home with the cathether at around 11:00pm with instructions to call my doctor in the morning. This morning my doctor gave me instructions on how to take the cathether out (which was kinda interesting) and an appointment to see him. I got to the doctors office and I was either going to be able to pee or another cathether would go in. It was kinda funny because there were 2 nurses, L and my mom waiting outside the bathroom to see if I had peed. I managed a little stream which was progress and from then on all has been fine. I do feel like I did 1000 crunches and someone punched me in the stomach. I am on percoset for pain, an antibiodic, and a medicine to make my bladder spams.

Now to the good part. The good part is that the doctor said it all looked good. My tubes were open, my ovaries had some tiny cysts in them which is to be expected with PCOS, and I had a tiny bit of endometriosis that the doctor lasered off. The doctor was very optimistic about it and says that there is no reason we cant get pregnant once I start ovulating.

So for now I am bumming around the house just sleeping and playing on the net. L left for a business trip a little while ago but my mom came to stay with me for the week.

Hope everyone has a great rest of the week.

I'm Back

We are finally settling in our new house. The internet is up and running and so is the satellite. This is life lol I am on spring break this week so that is awesome.

Tomorrow I am having my laparoscopy. Wish me luck.

Home Sweet Home

We are finally getting settled into our new house. I am always suprised at the amount of stuff that we have. I absolutely love the new house. We still have alot of unpacking and decorating to do but slowly it is coming together. This week is a short but busy week at work. I have staff meeting, Easter celebrations, and a doctors appointment. Then on friday (which I have off) we will be driving to Houston to have Easter with my siblings. It is rare that the four of us get together so it should be fun.

I will become a better blogger once I have my internet up and running.

3 years ago today...

Three years ago today I married the most amazing man in the world. He is truly my best friend. L and I had a great wedding surrounded by many friends and family. Our marriage is a good marriage. I love my husband. He is my world and I would be lost without him. We love, we argue, we laugh, we cry but above all we respect each other and our differences. We've had a tough year this year but our sorrows have only made our bond stronger.

My only wish this upcoming year together is to have a baby. A baby that we can share this huge love with. A baby that would take us from a family of two to a family of three. But at the same time I have come to realize over the past year that if we are not blessed with children, we will be ok. We will build a happy life just the two of us, a different life but a good life.

So I do believe in fairy tales and fairy tale marriages, the ones in real life just have some bumps along the way . I am blessed that my marriage is one so filled with happiness. I will always thank God that L became a part of my life and I became a part of his.

Love You, Babe!!!!

Prayers

Please say some prayers for my niece Laura who is in the hospital with pneumonia.

We love you wiggleworm!!

Checking In

Yes I am a bad blogger. I have tons of excuses but I'll save them for another day. We are still living with my SIL which is why I dont get on the computer that often. We are closing on our house on March 29, keep your fingers crossed that they dont push us back. The house is coming along beautifully and I cant wait to get in it.

My laprascopy is scheduled in April. I am kinda freaked out about this because I have never been in a hospital or had surgery or ever been under anesthesia. Everyone I talk to says its no big deal. I did schedule during spring break since I have the week off and dont have to take anymore time off work. So while we wait for my surgery, I am on 1000mg of metformin (read about it here). My body is slowing getting used to it but it has not been a smooth process. All I can say is that this better lead to something good. lol

Other than the above work and school keep me pretty busy.

A Winding Course

So I talked to my doctor today after last weeks negative ovulation results. He's a nice good doctor and I have faith in the course he wants us to take. I like him because he is a no nonsense kinda doctor and doesnt beat around the bush. He suggested getting a laparoscopy done to take an internal look and see if anything is going on in there. I am also to go on glucophage to help with the PCOS stuff. Tomorrow I go for some baseline bloodwork so I can start the glucophage. We will then reevaluate my situation in a few months at which point if I still havent ovulated on my own I will be refered to the RE. I am comfortable with this plan and can only hope and pray that it works.

On some lighter note, I will try and post some DC and house pictures soon.

Greeting from Washington, DC

Greeting from Washington, DC!!! I am attending a conference for most of this week up here. I was suprised to see snow on the ground while the plane landed and more suprised that it is still hanging around. Everyone says how warm it has gotten this week. Its a whopping 40 degrees. Thats not warm for us southeners lol. I will return home tomorrow after which I will have limited access to the internet because we are homeless lol Our new house is moving along rapidly and we hope to get in there in about 3 weeks.

On the baby making front, this was yet another negative cycle for me. Even with the hcg shot I was not able to ovulate. I had the nurse call L because I really didnt want to hear it from her. My doctor is out of town until monday and which point he will call me to discuss the results but we are expecting a referal to the RE. We will not be using our previous RE as I did not like his bedside manner very much. We have decided that we will wait until we are settled in our new home and take off all that stress to start any kind of fertility treatment although I think I might schedule an appointment to talk about our options. We shall see.

Happy V-Day

Happy Valentines Day!!!!

We had a pretty good valentines this year. We went to dinner and it was yummy. Then came home and tried to finish up our packing and moving. Romantic huh? lol

Hope everyone had a great day!!!

Hope?

My appointment went okay today. There is a little sign of life in my ovaries but not much. We decided to go ahead with the HCG shot even though the follicles werent near perfect size. Hopefully at least I will ovulate. I have bloodwork scheduled for next monday.

So now I am asking for prayers. Prayers that this cycle gives us our miracle, prayers that this cycle brings my ovaries back to life...Prayers to deal with whatever the results are.

Bad Blogger

****THIS IS MY 100TH POST! EXCITING!!!****

I have been a bad blogger. I really dont have any excuses other than the usual too much work, too much school, and too much to do. We have been moving our stuff to storage as we are scheduled to sign on the sale of our house on friday. We are going to a hotel for a few weeks until our new house is ready. Hopefully only a month tops.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to see how the clomid worked. I was thinking that it probably didnt work since I took 150mg and wasnt feeling any side effects or anything. That is until yesterday when I started cramping and twiches and then today I have the dreaded headache. I am not getting my hopes up that it worked. We shall see.

We have some dinner plans for Valentine's Day that I am excited about. I have wanted to go to this particular restaurant for a while now and we have finally gotten reservations.

I will update tomorrow after my appointment at @ 2:15pm.

2 years ago today...

Two years ago we started trying for a baby. Never, never did it cross my mind that it would take this long.